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#1
Oct 11, 2009, 08:20 AM
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Ok, so I'm having a big problem right now, I have a girlfriend that I love more than anything!! She's absolutely, no doubt in my min,d the best thing that's ever happened to me. Here's the problem though; she's not a virgin and I am, but she doesn't want to have sex with me, because she regrets it and wants to wait until marriage (but it's still too early for that). I *am* religious, but not a very good one, and it's something I plan on working on in the future, but that's not something to discuss right now. What I'm having trouble dealing with, is she used to be sooooo into sex, and she's given most her past boyfriends hand jobs and blow jobs, and had sex with one. She's had cyber sex with about three different guys who weren't even her boyfriends. We still talk about sex pretty often, and one time we did get carried away and got very, very handsy, but that seems like a one time thing, b/c she regrets it...
What's getting me down is that I feel like as she's becoming closer to God, she's changing, and avoids a lot of that stuff now, like she almost completely refuses to even wear skirts or short shorts...I'm the only boyfriend she's ever loved, and it's just getting me down that I never got any of that from her...she even sent her guy friend snaked pictures once! Is it all in my imagination that she's losing her extremely high sex drive?? Does this happen to all girls? I just want some help b/c I hate this getting in the way of my love for her...any help would be great!! Thanks soo much! Last edited by Christina86; Oct 11, 2009 at 10:32 PM. Reason: edit to bring within guidelines |
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#2
Oct 14, 2009, 04:50 PM
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I think she wants to get married with you....nothing makes sense to me....if she loves you, why doesn't she want to get intimate then?
You can't force her though....just let it go...or you can go with somebody else... Quote:
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#3
Oct 14, 2009, 05:12 PM
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Crispy1513
Jmo, but it is possible she is working through the shame of her past actions...and she doesn't want the same type of relationship with you that she had with the men in her past. If she is doing her best to change that kind of dangerous behavior, try and understand that she wants something better with you...and from you--Respect. Because she is not willing to "put out" for you does not mean she cares less for you. In fact, it can be that she cares more for you. Judging your relationship based on her past actions with other men will only hurt both of you. Have you talked about this with her? Listened, really listened to what she has said to you? And expected the same thing from her? Being blunt, but I do not think she is losing her high sex drive. I do believe she is no longer looking for love by having sex with men... Loving you may be the best thing that has happened to her, and maybe she wants and needs mutual respect and dignity from your relationship. A very healthy way to start one, jmo. Best wishes for this to be sorted out, Catherine
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
 beadlady29-old, susan888, turquoisesea
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#4
Oct 14, 2009, 05:21 PM
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  beads
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...can.. .....will..... just.............see come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305 Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them." ~ Hugh Miller |
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#5
Oct 14, 2009, 05:50 PM
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Quote:
I strongly suggest you talk to her about how this makes you feel. Maybe you can explore something else together that can be special you time? I wouldn't push her towards something she doesn't want to do, people change. It might be helpful to think of her as a seperate person than the one who had those ex boyfriends. In a sense she is. She has grown and learned from the experience. She doesn't want to make the same mistakes again. I understand your jealousy, I really do, the best way is to talk it out to her without being too pushy about actually getting anything started.
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 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#6
Oct 14, 2009, 06:06 PM
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Hello and welcome to PC!
It's a little coincidental that I should read this thread. I recently reconnected with my best friend from high school through facebook. She was never what you would call "selective" when it came to sleeping with people in HS and college. She had a child and when her daughter was about 2 she discovered that lifestyle wasn't working for her. She had been attempting to trade sex for love. In this transition of life, she met a very conservative man. She would not introduce him to her daughter until she was sure that he was in her life for the long haul, nor did she cut her time with her daughter short to make time for him. She also decided that sex only adds unnecessary drama to a relationship and would not have sex before marriage. She did decide to marry this man, and they've been married happily 12 years. Now I have no idea where this relationship of yours is heading, but what I do know is that when you truly love someone, it's unconditional. You must respect her boundaries and decide if you love who she is now, not past behavior. It sounds like she's confident enough in your relationship that she doesn't have to do what she's not comfortable with to keep you.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
| marjan, susan888
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#7
Oct 14, 2009, 06:14 PM
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Quote:
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#8
Oct 14, 2009, 07:07 PM
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Sexuality and religion (of any kind) are a hard mix/balance. There is so much shame in society in general.
If she is important to you, be kind and wait. Communicate, but I would be careful bringing up her past. I felt bad about mine too, but my husband's attitude was "you were a virgin until you met me!" Still makes me giggle. Even though we did things "backwards" (I was pregnant with my 6 year old daughter, Crash, when we got married and my 9 year old daughter, Bug, was 3 1/2) he is the only one I have had children with. (After two 11 lbs babies, I got them to tie my tubes after the delivered Crash!) Just realize she is at a crossroads in her life, which is difficult for anyone...
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I am not a medical or mental health professional, nor do I play one on TV, I just talk kinda like one!  Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light! They say I have A.D.D. but I think they are full off...  Oh look! A CHICKEN! Be careful how you look at the world, it may look back!  How do you want to be seen? |
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#9
Oct 14, 2009, 08:11 PM
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from what I read in this is that she is becoming religious and trying to change her past behaviors. trust me though when a couple is married being christian does not kill the sex drive. We christians like sex with our partners as much as others do. try not to worry too much and just see where this relationship goes. please don't push that issue. she is trying.
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