[hippyman]

I am in what is currently one of the most complicated situations I can imagine, and I was wondering if someone could help me out here. Theres this girl, who grew up with me, we went to the same schools, had the same friends, graduated together, eventually went to the same college. Hell, I've been in love with her since jr high, and she is literally the only one who has stood by me thru everything I've been thru, the accident, my recovery, this incident in jr high, where I thought I'd lost her, and she still accepts me for who I am. My own family doesnt even do that. Anyway, she gave me her number about a year ago, at this party, after risking an almost lifelong friendship for me, and we've been talking ever since. The only problem is, she has always been with someone, but recently, I have reason to believe she might be single now. My main problem is, how can I get past the guilt from the accident, enough to ask her out? I mean hell, this is the only girl I've ever been in love with, she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, I have to know how I can win her over. Please help me.

[jerrymichele]

It seems to me that she's not to worried about it. Just ask her out.Nothing to loose, and everything to gain.

[hippyman]

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

It seems to me that she's not to worried about it. Just ask her out.Nothing to loose, and everything to gain.

Thats the thing, I have asked her out, several times, and she never has said no, just that shes with someone, but I know shes not very happy with him, I mean she cries everytime she mentions his name. Hell, I've never even seen them together, and in my town, thats saying something. I did get one grasp of hope, at this dance, a few weeks ago, she approached me, near the end of the night.

[jerrymichele]

I think that she would probably go out with you, if the other guy wasn't there. It sounds like her situation is bad. If you get involved with her, I seem to think that it will cause unwanted drama. I can't tell you what to do, but for me, I would move on.

[Shangrala]

Sounds to me as though you've shared an understanding which far exceeds most. How lucky you are to have (had) that with her.

Have faith in what you mutually share. Confide in her about your fear regarding the accident (whatever it entails), so you can allow yourself to get beyond that obstacle which presently seems to be blocking you.

Once past that, then tread lightly. The reason I say that is, from what you've posted, you have put all your eggs in one basket regarding your feelings for her. It sounds as though all your hopes for happiness ride on this one person, and that can be a recipe for possible emotional disaster, not because of what YOU feel, (as this you're fully aware of), but because you cannot possibly know exactly where she is at present regarding her feelings for you in return.

"Have not high expectations, but rather abundant expectancy". In other words, hope for the best, but expect the worst.
Approach this with with the understanding that it may/may not end up as YOU hope for it to, yet the possibility of success as you seek is still probable.

It's a great responsibility to place one's entire hopes and dreams for emotional success solely upon another. Despite the circumstances, (the level of the relationship, the intensity of bondings, etc.), to invest oneself into another in that way can almost always ensure disappointment at some point....and it's usually always a disappointment we create for our own selves.

Talk to her without expectations of success. You both share quite a past, and seem to have something many do not...mutual understanding.
Sounds as though she also has a full plate at this time, and it's vital that you allow her to express to you where she is at present. Be her friend first. Go from there.

Maybe, first try to rekindle the friendship that you both share. Reignite that bond first. Utilize that as your path toward something deeper and more meaningful. It is important that you understand where she is emotionally, as well. And if you approach this opportunity without expectations she will undoubtedly also sense the same, therefore chances of it going further increase.
Take it slowly. Express and discuss your fears. It's so important that the both of you understand each other. After which, and if mutually bound.....Yay for communications!

I wish you all the best. Good luck.

Shangrala

[phoenix47baby]

Tell her you are making dinner for her at your house. Make a nice meal perhaps with baked chicken, rice, veggies and a nice bottle of chardonnay and go for it. What do you have to lose? Nothing!

[hippyman]

Originally Posted by phoenix47baby

Tell her you are making dinner for her at your house. Make a nice meal perhaps with baked chicken, rice, veggies and a nice bottle of chardonnay and go for it. What do you have to lose? Nothing!

I've been trying to think of an occasion to cook for her, preferably at my place tho, shes staying with her parents right now.

[jerrymichele]

Ask her if she wants to go for coffee. Then supprise her.