[phoenix47baby]

I loaned my boyfriend (at the time) $5,000 as he was destitute. Now I find myself very angry and lashing out at him because he is not looking very hard for employment. He got involved in this pyramid-like marketing business and has what I believe is a "pipe dream" in thinking he is going to make money and he hasn't because he is not motivated. I worry that I am not going to see my money and it has caused severe issues in my friendship/relationship with him. I am close to just telling him off but want to keep things cordial because I want my money back. I think I made a big mistake. What do you think?

[trs60586]

Before hand or when you gave him the money was there any kind of discussion about how and when the loan would be paid back? Was it documented? Did you give him a check or cash? If there's some kind of proof that you gave him the money as a loan they you at least have a legal path to take. However, if he has pissed the money away and there isn't much potential of future income then it may be fruitless to pursue.

Did you not know he was not motivated before you gave him the loan? Why did he need five grand all at once? Sounds like maybe you're as ticked with yourself as you are with him for allowing him to take advantage of you.

[marjan]

well....this is a lesson to learn....my dad used to tell me "whenever you loan money to anybody, loan them as much as you can afford and not wanting the money back!"
I don't know about your relationship and how long you guys are together....but I won't loan this much money till I'm sure he gives money back, or I loan small amount that I don't care if he doesn't give it back....I hate to go and ask for my money....he should be responsible for that....
Just ask him if you can get your money back....or if he can pay you off in several payments....
take care
Marjan

[Shangrala]

This is an unfortunate situation due to the amount involved, especially if it wasn't documented, (contract between the two of you, paper trail of some kind for you to use as legal leverage when/if you need to rely upon that).

"The best way to find out who your REAL friends are is to loan them money".

(It's also the ideal way of ridding yourself of those in your life who you can't eliminate through other means....lol. They borrow, then vanish....until next time in need...lmao).

And I have to agree with Marjan. Loan only what you can afford under the assumption that you'll never see it again. If you are repaid, what a pleasant surprise. If you're not, no room for disappointment.

If you had loaned him this large amount of money because he was in such dire need, then surely you documented it. If not, then it's very likely that you may have to chalk this error up as an expensive lesson learned, especially if he has no intentions of repayment.
If there were no documents prepared at the time of the loan, you can still create a written agreement for the two of you to sign, (tell him it's for tax reasons..if he should question your motives for documentations, which I wouldn't doubt he may). So long as you get his signature on an agreement that he does owe you this money, you are protecting yourself.

That IS an awful large amount of money to loan out to someone who has no means of repayment, despite their verbal good intentions.
If there is no contract at present, create one, have him sign. If he refuses, or disputes your reasons for this, that should tell you right there that he has little to no intentions of following through with repayment.
And come to think of it, even if you do have documentation to his debt to you, the fact remains that "you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip". If he isn't employed, & has absolutely no means of paying you back, then...."lesson learned"? Cut your losses and time to move on?

To answer the question to your thread title: Hell YES! You have a damn good right to be ticked.

I truly hope this works out for you. Good luck

Shangrala

[phoenix47baby]

thank you for all of your responses. I may have to eat this amount. Rather hard to swallow though. I have written him and have stated my intentions to collect. Aside from that, I can take him to small claims court which I may have to do. Thank you!

[phoenix47baby]

He says he will sign a contract and pay me off in installments....very lenghty arrangement but I don't have much choice since he is the one that controls whether or not he diligently looks for a job. To date, for about six months he has not budged real hard to find work. Yes, what a mistake. I want the money back and then will wash my hands of the supposed friendship. Nothing like making an emotional decision! Thanks for the support.