[lonelyone]

My sister and I are about 2 years apart. We are in our early 40's. She has never been married and has no kids. She's had a few live-in relationships. I found out accidentally yesterday that she may have been pregnant recently and lost the baby! She never said anything to me or our mom about this. I found out because she gave me a couple of magazines that she had read and in one was a sheet of papert that had some expenses listed and there was an entry for "$350 medical expenses for miscarriage last year". She lives about 400 miles away and has had a steady boyfriend recently but they haven't been getting along.

The sad thing is I had no idea that she ever considered having kids. Why would someone take such a risk in their 40's? Was it an accident? I don't know if she's going to realize that she left the note in the magazine and that I saw it. Should I pretend that I didn't see anything and keep my mouth shut. I must say I was stunned when I found out and I wonder if she ever tried in the past to get pregnant. I couldn't sleep at all last night and my feeling is I shouldn't say anythinga bout the note. She's never been very open with me about her personal life or problems, whereas I used to be very open but now I'm older and wiser and know it's better to keep my mouth shut sometimes about things.

I feel so sad for her. I have 2 lovely kids and it hurts me to see that maybe she always wanted to be a mom, too. She used to say that she never wanted kids and a few of her boyfriends didn't want to continue their relationship because of this. Was this a lie?
Should I keep my mouth shut about finding the note?

[kvinneakt]

I don't think you should touch this with a 10 foot pole!

If she wanted you to know, she would have told you.

What you know was an accident. You are honor bound to forget the whole thing. I would not even hint that you could possibly know a thing.

[heatherm]

Hello there lonelyone

Oh my - what a situation to find yourself in. I would feel torn if it was me too. On one hand, I am sensing that you want to reach out to your sister as she may have been through an emotional time. On the other hand, you are sensing her quietness about this as a sign that she doesn't want to share it with you.

However, if it was me - I would talk to her in a supportive manner and tell her what you found in the magazine. It is not like you were snooping or anything. It may just be the situation that brings you closer together if that is what you want. You have to think of the affect this will have on your relationship with her. If you do choose to talk to her about it, just remember that she may have changed her mind about wanting kids. I don't think anything is a lie....she may have changed her mind from what she wanted years ago and decided to have a child....you really don't know until you ask her. Be supportive...she will need that from you.

There are more women today having babies well into their 40's now. She may have thought it was what she wanted and then to have lost it ...she could be going through such turmoil about all of this. Personally, I think that it may be a good idea to talk to her.

Take care and let us know what you decide.
Hugs
Heather

<font color=blue>The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way </font color=blue>

[Gez]

Strange thing to leave in a magazine although it does happen I suppose. Have you ever thought that maybe she wanted you to stumble upon this news? Its up to you how you want to handle this situation, you know your sister better than anyone else.

Gez

[lonelyone]

When I first found this note, that's what I initially thought, too, that she wanted me to find out this information. But then she also had stuff in there that I don't think she'd want me to know about, i.e., how she was splitting rent with her boyfriend, electric bills, food, stop payment fees on checks, just stuff like that. It's like she was keeping score on him or something. I think she just got careless and I'm sure she's wondering now where she left it. I think I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on this one. If she does ask if I found a note or something in the magazine, then maybe I'll say yes I did. And let her pick it up from there.

[kvinneakt]

I think you have it right. She may realize on her own you know what you know and then invite you into this very private affair.

[jennie]

regardless your position or even her position on the matter....losing a child hurts. be sensitive to her and love her for who she is, are two ways you can help her. (((Huggs)))

<font color=purple> Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth. Jean-Paul Sartre </font color=purple>