[VanillaBean]

There's a guy I've known for about a year, that I met through an ex (they are merely acquaintances). We saw each other several nights a week for months and over time became friends. I was hugely attracted to him from the beginning and eventually he admitted he felt the same way about me. Obviously, nothing happened because I was in a relationship. My ex did call me out on what he said was "intense chemistry" with this guy and I freely admitted that I felt an attraction to him but he was my FRIEND and that was it.

Well, I've been single for several months now, and I was also living out of state for some of that time. We lost touch for a few months. While I was out of state we reconnected online. During a chat session one day he mentioned that whenever I came into town to visit we should hang out. Well, I ended up leaving the state in which I was living and returning to my home state, and we got together last week. During the evening while we were hanging out at a local bar it became apparent that we were both interested in doing more than just shooting the s**t over beers. I ended up at his place and we slept together.

We really didn't discuss anything - there had always been an attraction and we acted on it. I assumed that it was to be a "friends with benefits" situation, and I have absolutely no problem with that. I actually would prefer something more casual right now.

I was telling a friend (who doesn't know this guy) about the encounter, and she said it sounds like he may like me more than I like him. She pointed to the following things:

-I spent the night at his place, which is apparently a no-no for FWB situations.
-Before we had sex, we cuddled and watched a movie. There was also a considerable amount of kissing.
-The next morning, he didn't shove me out the door immediately. I complained of a headache and he brought me aspirin and a glass of water. He showed me around his new house, we talked about music and movies, and when he drove me back to my car he took the long way, stopping twice, once to buy me a bottle of water because my headache wasn't going away. This whole time we talked and laughed, without any awkwardness.
-A couple hours after I got home he texted me to ask if I was still feeling bad, and after chatting back and forth for a minute he said he'd just wanted to say hello, that he'd talk to me soon.

My friend says that that is not the way a friend who ONLY wants sex acts. I have never had a FWB before, so I have no idea.

This was last week, and since then I've only chatted briefly with him online once over the course of a few days. My friend says that he's "playing it cool" and that's why he's not calling or texting more. I say, that's just him being himself, a guy who doesn't want a girlfriend. She maintains that I'm "blind" and that I could end up hurting his feelings, which of course I do not want to do.

I need some opinions. Is she reading too much into this?

[AAAAA]

It's hard to say what he is thinking and the only way to find out is to talk it over with him. I've never had this type of relationship, but if I ever did, it would have to be with a kind and considerate partner. Not one that would treat me like a piece of meat to be enjoyed purely on his whims.

If he had done anything less than what you posted I wouldn't consider him a friend, let alone give him any further benefits.

[NuckingFutz]

Wish i could answer your question but i think that is only a question he can answer. Since you and him are friends that be a situation you can discuss. It seems the with benefits part of the friends with benefits in the very least causes confusion for one or both parties...in the very most it can ruin a friendship. I guess i just do not understand the whole concept of friends with benefits as an emotionally healthy thing. What ever happened to just dating? Wish i had a more positive answer for you. If he does like you more than a friend and you do not like him more than a friend...well...i just do not see who benefits at all. Good luck with this.

[crystalrose]

i have had friends that i had casual sex with, he has had an experience with you that is intimate so its not unusual for the friend to feel emotionally attracted also. The type of caring that he did was nice and could mean he wants a relationship or just that if wants to be nurturing towards you. . If you don't want anything more than friends with benefits them you need to tell him. Don't be afraid to talk about what you neede. Sometimes a friend with benefits can be more adventurous and experimental in sexual ways.