I was hurt by my husband last night

Inny, I am very sorry. You've experienced a terrifying trauma. I would imagine that you are still feeling shattered, crushed, devastated, degraded, confused, fearful for yourself and for Sean. Your natural loving tendency is to believe the best of your husband, that he couldn't have done it alone, and so you feel that you must be responsible for his violence in some way.

I'm glad that you have a plan to escape if necessary. Are you sure that that enough? I am also wondering about putting a mutual friend in the middle as a counselor. Can that friend provide professional skill and arm's length objectivity?

Or, on the other hand, could more effort could be devoted to getting professional help?

Are there support groups on other nights? Are actual anger management classes available? Have resources like hospitals, religious and governmental social services been considered?

I appreciate the obstacles you mentioned to him getting the help he needs. Still, the risks are high. There is the risk of a new incident. Also, and very important, there are risks to you of not recovering from the last incident. You could, for example, develop PTSD. What about professional counseling for you? I urge you to consider it.

You might also want to look into "The Cycle of Abuse" online if you aren't already familiar with that. Abusers are often remorseful and try to be extra nice after an incident. His mentioning of divorce, for example, sounds reasonable but puts the burden on you to decide, as Elysium3006 shrewdly pointed out above. Reread that post (#17). How easy, guilt-free is it for you to ask for a divorce? Is he going to do anything significant, anything involving serious commitment and time, if you don't ask for a divorce?

Believe actions, not words.

If overcoming this incident is even possible, it will, at the very least, require many, many actions.

My heart goes out to you and Sean. Above all, please seek healing for yourself and him.

This could just be a one-off.

I think you two need to see a counsellor just to open the lines of communication. Maybe he just really hates that name that you called him?

It's good that you have a back-up plan to get out of there if it happens again though. Although it's sad that you have to live with a get-out plan like you're always waiting for something to happen.

Thank you for all the support and suggestions. We are getting there, slowly. I am not over it 100% and i probably never will be and he knows that and accepts that. However, i am going to keep my plan of action because you never know, i dont want to get in another situation where i have nothing planned and it happens again but im not going to hold it over his head and think about it constantly. We are working on our communication because honestly, i think that is our biggest problem. I know alot of said we have an unhealthy relationship. I think that we have some unhealthy individual issues and a communication problem but we do love each other. We have been through alot with each other, not what we put each other through but more like the obsticles we have faced and are facing. He has admitted his problem. He called a national abuse hotline and talked with a nice lady there. She told him that it is good that he called on his own and admitted his problem because that shows he is willing to work on the situation and knows what he did is wrong. He also talked to a friend. His friend said that he is welcome to go to their home if he feels any anger and needs to walk away for alittle bit. Which is nice, that way before a fight escaltes we can both calm down and breathe. We are both under so much stress with my mystery illness (which actually i will find out today if it might be cancer) and bills and work and school and a 8 month old baby. We have been talking every night about different issues in our lives and how we can handle them. He is also checking around for more support groups. We are thinking about some couple therapy or individual therapy depending on what our insurance covers because we have both suffered abuse as children and I am still dealing with abuse from last ex boyfriend that i had a long time ago. So the combinations affect our way of dealing with stressful situations, especially ones that are triggering our pasts. I think if we can deal with our individual problems we can come together and deal with our couple problems...it was a domino affect...I do love him very much. I just dont love his actions and he has agreed that he doesnt either. I want to put all the effort we can into fixing this and making this right, instead of using the effort for fighting. Thank you so much for all of your support it means alot to me and has kept me going in all my hours of need.
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sorry u were hurt. You don't deserve that. i'm not going to tell you what to do, i'm just going to tell you as a young child i witnessed many occasions of family violence. It caused trauma reactions and was very upsetting. You have a responsibility to yourself and your child to keep safety as a part of the family values. I hope what ever you decide u think of how it is changing who your child is..