[Amanda_1981]

I posted a post here a few weeks ago about how when I was around 20, my uncle became really obsessed with me and crossed a LOT of boundaries and the end result was that me and my family had no contact with him after for several years until this past March when my grandma died and we all had to travel out of town and I saw him again and he said he had changed and things looked like we were going to accept him back in our lives again because he had gone to therapy and was a different person now. (The thread I posted about all what he did to me is called 'not sure where to post this' and I think it's still in this forum, probably a few pages back though). Basically he made me feel really uncomfortable around him because he would act 'too' friendly around me and tried to kiss me on the lips once and acting in many inappropriate ways that you just do not do around your niece, even if she is over 18.

.. well to make a long story short, he is now telling the family that I imagined the whole thing and that I was 'unwell' at that time in my life and therefore made the whole thing up. I was NOT unwell, I only started having severe panic attacks about two years after that, and that was the reason I left University, not because of an emotional breakdown, but because of panic attacks. He made me feel uncomfortable WAY before that, and it was only when I moved back home due to my agoraphobia that he started sending me 10 page love letters. I am very upset because he honestly believes he did nothing wrong, and is blaming my mom for everything, saying that she made me write him a letter to tell him I didn't want to see him anymore and now he won't let my mom see his wife (her sister) who is very sick with cancer right now. I just can't believe that he would be such a coward as to lie to everyone and claim that I made it all up because I was 'unwell'. First of all, since when does having panic attacks affect a person's mental state and second of all, I am not the only one he made uncomfortable, my sister said he did the same thing to her. For YEARS I have had disturbing dreams about him (and sometimes still do, and it's been 8 years). The truth of the matter is, he crossed boundaries and made me feel very uncomfortable, but he is twisting things around and making it seem like it was all in my head. He is sick and needs help and he even admitted in one of the letters that he wrote me that he doesn't see his wife as a person he is in love with, and that he seeks out his sexual desires in other ways.

I still have the letters and my aunt and uncle from out of town want me to send them to them so they can confront him and show him proof of his inappropriate actions. My aunt asked me tonight if I would be willing to confront him myself, and I know it would be upsetting, but I am just so mad that I really do want to confront him and tell him exactly what I think of him. He is a coward and a liar and a predator that needs help and he is manipulating people into thinking he's the innocent victim and it really upsets me that he is not man enough to own up to his acts of inappropriateness.

I am just so upset right now... my family said they believe me but it still really really bothers me that he is using my panic attacks as an excuse to making all this up about him.

I want peace in the family and for my mom to be able to see her sister again but I do not ever want to see his face again. I never ever thought I could ever be so hurt by someone I trusted. I just wish this would all go away It took me 8 years to get over all this and now I'm re living it. It's a nightmare all over again.

[BarbiGirl]

Wow, that is quite the story Amanda, and very upsetting. I am horrified that you had to go through that when you were younger, and I am sorry you are having to re-live it again. I wish I could help you make it better, but know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. I wish you the best of luck, Amanda, and keep in mind that you are a strong, beautiful woman who deserves Pure Love.

[Amanda_1981]

Thanks Barbi.. I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers. It's a horrible thing to have to go through when you've been betrayed and abused by a family member. All I want is for my mom to be able to see her sister again and for my uncle to get help and admit what he did was wrong and uncalled for. I am pretty sure that will never happen though

[phoenix47baby]

Often family members who are "guilty," use these intangible reasons of mental illness in order to diminish their shame in prior actions. This appears to be what the uncle is doing. Sorry you have to go through this. Hang in there. phoenix47

[VickiesPath]

((((((((((( Amanda ))))))))))))))))

Were these letters handwritten? Or do they contain a signature that is handwritten? I'm simply concerned that he will claim that they are not written by him.

If you do not feel that it would be healthy for you to go through this emotional upheaval again, simply have the letters photocopied and give copies to your aunt and uncle and let them do with them what they wish. You could also include a statement of your own giving pertinent information along with your own testimony of the emotional damage this man did.

If you do feel that being personally involved in the confrontation with him would be beneficial to you and the benefits would outweigh the stress of contronting him, then by all means do so. It will most likely be your last opportunity to do this and it will benefit both you and your mother greatly.

I wish a beneficial outcome no matter which way you decide to go on this.

[Amanda_1981]

thank you everyone for your replies. I have been so upset lately and feel like I am re living a nightmare all over again. I'm afraid I may fall into a depression over it as I am starting to have depressed like symptoms again. It just bothers me so much that he would have the nerve to deny everything and then accuse my panic attacks as an excuse to 'making up' what he did. Having to talk to my aunt and other uncle about everything that happened is making me feel really upset and uncomfortable but I know it's the only way to ever get an apology out of him and for him to admit what he did was wrong and it will be the only way my mom will see her sister again. I just wish I didn't have to re live it all over again. I spent 7 years trying to get over it and now I feel like it's happening all over again and I hate it.

I'm so distraught over the whole thing. I just want to go on with my life and never have to see him again. I hate that he's winning by making me so upset. I just wish this nightmare would end.