[Yoda]

I need a subforum for dysfunctional families because most of my relatives are. I guess the ones that impact me the most are my codependent sisters and mom. They all live together in one big unhappy mess. My mother is passive aggressive, my youngest sister is the bossy one who always gets her way and shares her advice/opinions whether it is wanted and my older sister is a recluse.

Veteran's day reminded me of my attempt to do a good thing that only brought criticism from my family. My step-dad (the good dad who loved and raised me) died when he was only 56 years old. That was the reason I became a paramedic and then cardiac RN because I didn't want other young children to lose their dads (my sisters were 8 & 9 y/o at the time). My dad served in WWII. My mom wanted him to have a military funeral but the local whoever-they-were said they only got allocated one flag per month and had already used theirs. This seemed so wrong to me. I thought about it for a long time and earlier this year I wrote a letter to my senator telling him about my father and how wrong it was that his widow never got his flag. Within a few weeks they sent me a flag that had been flown over the capitol in his honor and a nice letter commending his service. Thinking I had done something good I took the letter and flag to my family and gave them to my mom. She was like, how nice, hmmm what's on TV. My youngest sister read the letter and her only comment was, they spelled his middle name wrong. Well, I spelled his name wrong. I am still not sure if it is Emory or Emery. I was so disappointed in my family's response to my trying to right a wrong done to my dad.

A few years ago my older sister got a war medal that should have been given to her great, great grandfather and everybody was so excited about that but I feel like a big nothing in their eyes.

I think they think I am a sub-par person because I have PTSD and have not worked for ten years but when I talk about wanting to go back to work they treat me as though I no longer CAN work. I know I need to study and I have been going to the medical library and catching up on stuff. I have updated myself on the standards of care for ACLS and would like to teach that again. When I mentioned to my mom that I thought I might like to go to anesthesia school (long time goal - got accepted 16 years ago but didn't want to go with a toddler) when my son leaves the nest and I know I am bright enough but worry do I have the energy she simply dismissed the idea and said, I don't think you do [have the energy].

Is it them or is it me that is the froot loop??

[Rapunzel]

Families resist change. If you try to change, even to do something in your best interest that will most likely benefit them too in the long run, someone is going to call you bad, selfish, or crazy. That's typical of dysfunctional families and how they stay stuck in the same patterns. If you expect it, you can plan for it and not let it limit you. Get support on your side - a friend, a therapist, a teacher or advisor, etc. Have someone you can go to when your family tells you that you have to keep being stuck and you can't change, who will remind you that you really can. Because you can do what you want to do, and you deserve to take control and live the life that you want to live.

[mum2four]

Originally Posted by Yoda

I need a subforum for dysfunctional families because most of my relatives are. I guess the ones that impact me the most are my codependent sisters and mom. They all live together in one big unhappy mess. My mother is passive aggressive, my youngest sister is the bossy one who always gets her way and shares her advice/opinions whether it is wanted and my older sister is a recluse.

Veteran's day reminded me of my attempt to do a good thing that only brought criticism from my family. My step-dad (the good dad who loved and raised me) died when he was only 56 years old. That was the reason I became a paramedic and then cardiac RN because I didn't want other young children to lose their dads (my sisters were 8 & 9 y/o at the time). My dad served in WWII. My mom wanted him to have a military funeral but the local whoever-they-were said they only got allocated one flag per month and had already used theirs. This seemed so wrong to me. I thought about it for a long time and earlier this year I wrote a letter to my senator telling him about my father and how wrong it was that his widow never got his flag. Within a few weeks they sent me a flag that had been flown over the capitol in his honor and a nice letter commending his service. Thinking I had done something good I took the letter and flag to my family and gave them to my mom. She was like, how nice, hmmm what's on TV. My youngest sister read the letter and her only comment was, they spelled his middle name wrong. Well, I spelled his name wrong. I am still not sure if it is Emory or Emery. I was so disappointed in my family's response to my trying to right a wrong done to my dad.

A few years ago my older sister got a war medal that should have been given to her great, great grandfather and everybody was so excited about that but I feel like a big nothing in their eyes.

I think they think I am a sub-par person because I have PTSD and have not worked for ten years but when I talk about wanting to go back to work they treat me as though I no longer CAN work. I know I need to study and I have been going to the medical library and catching up on stuff. I have updated myself on the standards of care for ACLS and would like to teach that again. When I mentioned to my mom that I thought I might like to go to anesthesia school (long time goal - got accepted 16 years ago but didn't want to go with a toddler) when my son leaves the nest and I know I am bright enough but worry do I have the energy she simply dismissed the idea and said, I don't think you do [have the energy].

Is it them or is it me that is the froot loop??

I feel like I we come from the same sort of family.... My mum and sister are buddy buddy my younger brother gets bailed of fianacial mistakes by my mum and his dad(my uncle, my dads brother, my mum current husband)... For years my mum told me I was depressed and get help she also called me a hypercondract and attenstion seeker ect ect. When I finally told her the Dr did diagnoise me as depressed she told I was not depressed and should not be on medication (I'm confused lol). people say I'm loude yet you put me in a room with my family and you'll be hard pressed to hear me voice and even if I try to talk no one answers me I have serious thoughts about wether I'm invisable all of a sudden. In recent years I started staying in my room and playing on the computer because it was pointless trying to interact with my family and my mum use to complain that I being rude. On my 29th b'day my mum and sister had a full on verbal bashing about my life and the way i raise my kids ect ect the fact that I use charts to guild there daily rutine and behaviour and more. I went to my room and cryed my self to sleep before everyone had left my house that night thay did not even know I had left the room till they decided they better go home. I heard them make a comment as thay walked out of the house cause they thought I was sleeping but I always wake up when the front opens.
That was the last straw with my family I told my phycolgist he told me to set out certain boundries with them so I did I told them the new rules/boundies and said if thay could not follow them thay could not see my kids. My mum is controlling when my now 14 was a baby she use to waltz in to my house tell me she was taking my baby and walk out with him and was too scared to say no to her. Every time I say no to mum she shuts me out her life. She was starting to get back to a contolling phase again I had lost control of my kids when my mum and I were in same room with my kids my kids acted like I did not exist just like her. It hurt so bad to tell my mum she had to follow the rules or not see the kids but it seem to have worked she ignored me for year moved to a different state but now we are back talking she makes it clear to my kids I'm incharge (most of the time) I can tell she struggles and it still hurts to think I hurt my mums feeling even thoe she hurt mine all my life.

Your absulotly NOT a froot loop.....some parants just cant seem to give unconditional love I swear. My phycologist say I have to learn to give to my self what i want from my parents but I still cant make it stop hurting that my parents just cant love me and show me they love me.

[thunderbear]

That was kinda ungrateful about the flag .
Mabye they don't know how to accept things like that. It reminds me of the Christmas that my brother and sister got new four wheelers for presents and I got a radio (a $20 one lol) I'm over that now but I still have hurt feelings over that.
Try to tell them how you feel. Get it out in the open with them. That way when they treat you like that they don't have any excuse for it andthey will know they are wrong for it.

[lynn P.]

I think you have a right to be disappointed with the reaction you received from your family. You admit though that they're dysfunctional - some of them might also be a bit jealous, they didn't think of that . I think it was a wonderful and thoughtful thing to do - it doesn't matter if his name was mis-spelled. You can try to nicely tell them how you feel. It was a very sentimental thing you did and I'm sure you thought beforehand of how you wish they would respond. You definately deserved a better reaction. Whatever you decide to do is up to you, but remember who you really did it for(Stepdad) and that's all that really matters.You deserve a pat on the back.

[jerrymichele]

I would ask for it back. That is just awful. I'm sorry they did that to you. I have a sister who has this thing in her mind that no one should out due her. Maybe your family is like this. If you want to go back to school, then by all means go. Don't listen to your family. People who love misery want everyone else to suffer with them.

[VickiesPath]

Years ago when I was working on "family of origin" issues (as the psycho docs call them) I had to keep reminding myself that I was from that family, too. So, I had to define my own role in the big picture. Since that time, I always try to be aware of my own motives whenever I do something like what you did re the flag. It was a wonderful gesture and I think it was a fine tribute to your step-father which no one appreciated enough. It was crude and uncalled for to pick at the mispelling issue. I hope that you did not let their reactions have a negative affect upon you because you did not deserve to feel bad about your efforts to right the wrong that was done to him.

Along the same lines, in an ideal world, we would all love to have our families rooting for us when we are excited and inspired to do something meaningful with our lives. But this isn't an ideal world. And you are not going to get your family's support no matter what you decide to do considering what you have been through the past 10 years whether they are genuinely concerned that they don't want you to try and end up disappointed when you fail or if they genuinely don't think you can do it.

About going back to school: The important thing is.....do YOU think you can do it? Does your T think you can do it? Does your son think you can do it? Do your best friends think you can do it? Will all of these people support you and cheer you on? Who cares what your mother and sisters think?

We all here believe in you. We think you can do anything you put your mind to.

[NuckingFutz]

I think your stepfather would have wanted you to have the flag and the letter. Lots of us come from dysfunctional families. Know your family and who you can trust with what. If your family cannot meet a need, come on here. Granted we are words on a screen, but there are people on here that call this place family too. You can join us if you like.