Should I stay or should I go?

Because of the type of person I am, all of my 20 years I have been
used by men for just their sexual fantasy's.
And after all I've been through, I'm very proud of myself for still
standing and be the hopeful person I am.

Recently, I got into a relationship with this man.
Being n the circumstances I am under, I found him through
a website.

We met, we hit it off and everything just seemed fine. Because of
my past, I kept in on a short leash. Nothing too controlling.
Weeks went by and we became very sexually intimate.
There was no real talk about us being in a serious relationship because
I just assumed both of us were on the same page with each other.

Turns out, he didn't see me the way I saw him.
That was fine, I'm a very workable person. But I let him know
that if we're just two people still in the talking stages, then that means
our sexually relationship has to slow down. He was very understanding
and we continued.

But I still had my doubts and fears.
In the mist of a depression episode, I sought out to test him.
I went back to the website where we had met and made a fake AD.
It broke my heart that he replied to the fake AD WHILE he was talking
to me and I was pouring my heart out. We were in the middle of trying to
make our relationship better.

I confronted him and he began his sorry excuses. Telling me about how he's a man and he has needs (mind you, I've been attending to his every need, to a point where we even planned and had a threesome with a close friend of mine which was a huge fantasy for him.)

He tells me he truly cares about me. That all that doesn't really matter to
him. I can understand what he's trying to say but it just makes no sense.
There's no need for him to go behind my back to get some cheap *** when
i'm a very open minded person and I've told him i'm willing to working with you and his sexual needs.

So now, this just brings everything from my past into play.
I'm stuck and I'm not sure if he's now just saying things like "i care about you" just to keep me around for his sexual needs like the others. I've been
told everything in the book and its still hard for me to tell weather a man
is being honest or lying to my face.

I gave him another chance to improve because I have hope in him, in us.
Of course I will continue to test him because he already lost the little trust
i had for him.

But should I continue? Or am I just setting myself up for another heart break disaster?
At the moment, I feel very a lone with all the things I'm going thru, and his
company seems to be the only thing keeping my spirits up.
But I don't want to keep him around because I feel vulnerable, I have
to much self-respect for that.

I just feel stuck.

You are not stuck. The true test is to watch what he does, listen to what he says. Always go with what he does, not by what he says. If the 2 do not match it is time to let him go.

Nucking is right.
the first and only test in a relationship is overall trust.

logically, if he's hurt you before, then there's a high chance he'll hurt you again.

im sorry that you've had such bad relationships in the past,i hope you make the right decision.

Wow! Hard to build trust back up after he failed that kind of test.

Here you are, offering him what most men can only fantasize about; having a woman who's so open minded sexually, but also so extremely willing to please.
Like you, I've been much the same way throughout my years, and have always seemed to run into that kind of man, (for whatever the reason it IS that they are like that.....It's almost as though, BY providing them what they actually do fantasize about, there is no .....'challenge" (?) remaining?...who knows. I've always wondered that, myself).

Yet, what you've provided isn't enough for him? Makes me wonder what's REALLY going on with this guy....Hmmm. Perhaps he has a need to be promiscuous...as though it's an uncontrollable impulse of his? Hard to say, and even harder to find faith in.

Maybe, allow some time to pass, and again repeat the same test on the sly, (see if he passes it the second time, but not until a reasonable amount of time passes...allow him to feel "safe" in his misbehaviors again).
I'm not exactly encouraging you to rely on this test to obtain trust in him. But good God, he didn't have ANY reason to fail it the first time.

You also have the option of trusting in his actions and allow him to earn your trust back that way...so long as YOU can be good with it through those means.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it works out for you.
Good luck.

Shangrala

I wouldn't repeat the test, rather, I would drop him like a hot potato. He can't be trusted. If he did it once so soon in your relationship, it's likely that the pattern will be repeated. Cut your ties and move on to another dating site. Good Luck

This is just my opinion--But I don't think he's worth your time. I agree with Phoenix that if he did that once that chances are greater that he'll do it again. I don't understand why he would do that to you if you have been more than open to fill his sexual desires. Sounds a bit strange to me..Something just isn't right. In addition, if he sought out another 'women' while you are trying to have a very serious conversation about how you feel, that is downright disgraceful. He should have been caring, understanding and supportive of what you were trying to explain to him rather than seeking out other women.

Personally I would go. I think that he already showed his true colors. It's good to make a man happy, but they need to do their part also. I always say let the man give to you first then work from there. Meaning don't put more into the relationship then what he is giving.