My bf feels like he has no choices: has no child custody & increase of child support

My bf has been going through a bad custody and child support battle with his ex. Its been very overwhelming for him to see that his ex can go to the courts and request for continuous raises in child support even without having him there in the process. He wants to see his kids but she makes it very hard for him. He continous to see surprise of withdraw from his paycheck. He's the type of person when things get too much to handle he'll withdraw and just not want to deal with things. We've been living off of my megar paycheck and it is becoming so overwhelming on my behalf. I'll support whatever choice he'll make in regards to his child support/custody battle. All I hope for is for him to start the process in seeing his kids and try to find away to reduce his child support. I explained to him that no matter how hard it becomes in having to deal with the proceeding I'll stand by his side but going through with the lack of finances now and knowing something can be done to change it, it is difficult to swallow. I feel our life is at a standstill and his ex still has control over his life. He is emotionally tied down because he's so upset and hurt. He continues to believe there's nothing he can do and he has no choices. I'm even willing to let him borrow almost $2,000 to hire a lawyer so so that someone else can start the proceeding to help change things. My bf becomes too overwhelmed and haven't been able to do all the paperwork himself.

Please everyone help me get through this and help me understand how should I deal with a situation like this.

If your friend does not show up to contest custody and support matters before the court, he should not be surprised his ex is getting everything she wants. Yes, a lawyer would be helpful. More importantly, you say his ex has control over his life. I think more accurately he has capitulated. Your friend has issues that may take a professional to help him resolve.

Until your friend finds a backbone, it seems apparent you will have to deal with whatever your friend cannot.

I would back off and let him sort it out himself its up to him to get his act together if you deal with it now then you will always be dealing with it.

(((Jenn))) I'm so sorry to hear that you're still struggling with this. We've discussed this privately so I won't repeat my opinion. I hope you find peace and strength in the New Year.

I do not know the law in most states and am not an attorney. But, in child custody and support matters, generally speaking the court becomes an advocate for the child and when my divorce from my son's father occurred, the law was, there was no bickering allowed about child support. It depended upon the total income of the two supporting parents, divided according the percentage of the total being provided by each parent. There was a chart that the state used, if the total income was a certain amount, then the support was a certain amount, with a specified percentage coming from each parent.

Now, having said this, if one parent provides things for the child, such as private school tuition, or airline fare for visitation, or other things that are out of the ordinary, those can be taken into consideration but they cannot be taken into consideration if the court doesn't know about them. Your BF needs to get himself into court so he can take an active part in what is happening to him.

Is he seeing his children at all? He needs to be proactive in this matter. How long does he plan to continue playing the victim?

How much longer do you plan to continue allowing him to do it? I hope you can figure out a way to get him to move on this and do so soon.

It sounds like his ex knows the court system as well as knowing how your bf will react to her moves...and she is taking him down. She knows this. He will need legal help.