I dont know what to do plz help me!!!!!

yeah im being myself but he says that he can see in my eyes that one day im cheat on him..
and also when im lying im always telling him the truth about everything..

yes i am but idk wat else to do sometimes i cant even sleep =/

Isadora I'm coming at you from a very personal level...

For what it's worth, I'm 19. I know you're young too, because I'll tell you...grown women do not put up with this. They've been through it and know better.

I am absolutely in love with my boyfriend. He's an amazing catch, a southern gentleman, an entrepreneur, on the surface, any girl would kill for him, and I would be lucky to have him.

The problem is, he convinced me of that.
That I was lucky to have him.
That I wasn't good enough for him.
That I was always messing up...when I wasn't.
That everything I did was wrong.
That I wanted to sleep with other men...even though I didn't and loved him so much!
That I contributed so much less than him to the relationship.
I could go on and on.

I got to a point where I turned off my brain. You're here, so you know something is wrong. Goodness girl, I wish we followed our guts.

It got to a point where I felt so worthless, unwanted, and depressed, I wouldn't get out of bed...which made him have even more reason to bring me down. I ended up on medication and now have a lot of extra problems and healing to do from this relationship.

I understand it's so hard when you love them.
But you know
Repeat
You know
that something is wrong. Or you wouldn't be here. Notice my "Relationship Issue" on my profile.

I move to Texas in 4 days because if I didn't... I probably wouldn't get away from him, and fall deeper into depression.

I don't know what your situation is...but I can only tell you about mine.
I get the hot/cold a lot. It goes from "You don't deserve me" to "You're so beautiful and I'm so happy to have you in my life." It's what keeps me hooked. That intense deep love. But it's just not healthy.

There is nothing like the pain of doing everything you absolutely can to please somebody you love so very much and it being completely impossible. It makes you feel like you will NEVER be good enough.

Here's the secret. It's not you, it's him.

I would guess...out of the blue...he was cheated on in the past, or had some other experience in his life that caused him to be so fearful, possessive, and degrading (Accusing you of being a bad girlfriend when you are not is DEGRADING). What they do is degrade us so much, we feel like we don't even deserve them! And we never escape.

Even worse, is I KNOW he [mine] has these issues. I know the way he acts towards me is because of anger, pain and resentment he holds inside that he hasn't healed from and dealt with. It makes it all the more hard to leave him knowing he's not being intentionally hurtful...he is just a deeply hurt man.
Nevertheless, he is extraordinarily unhealthy for me, and quite literally, might kill me.


I don't expect you to leave him, I really don't. I have to move states to physically get away from mine.
But do me one favor while you're going through this...or..several, if you will.
Do not let him convince you you are a bad girlfriend. You are obviously doing everything you can and if he wants to believe you are a bad girlfriend...tell him good luck finding a good one. I have a feeling no one will be up to his standards. You are wonderful and he is lucky to have you!
Do not let him bring you down, do not let him make you feel like you're not good enough. Being in these impossible situations can make you feel so trapped, the things we will do to cope are amazing. We might, for a second, believe that we are not good enough. The truth is, you are.
TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS, or at least us. Going through my situation I totally cut off from my support network and friends because I knew they would just tell me to leave him...and I knew I wasn't going to. So there I was, isolated, alone, depressed, feeling worthless and insecure. Don't do this to yourself, please.
Work yourself up to leaving him, seriously. You're going to have to build your self worth and ego a bit, and be a little more realistic about the kind of man he is. What kind of man treats a woman likes this? Scolds her for using her eyes? He is obviously not the man you view him as. Over time, the more you get used to the idea, it will be easier.

Lastly, you are breaking my heart, so please keep us posted. I hope you're ok.

Both of you are in my thoughts.

im so happy to have you guys giving me advice. im doing great right now. and if i see he keeps on treating me like this than i will have no choice than to leave him, even though its goin too hurt so much beacause i love him so much.
he doesnt trust me at all but im pretty sure that day by day and little by little he is goin to trust me again take me whatever it takes me just to make him trust me again.
god bless you guys thanks so much for being here for me :-)

I fly out tomorrow to leave him He is taking me to the airport. And making it so easy from being so mean!

I am DEFINITELY here.

It's possible he'll never trust. Keep us posted <3

Isadora,
I was in a 4 year relationship with a man just like that...no matter what I did I was "messin around" or "didn't support him" etc. Well I lost the most important thing while trying to please him. I lost my self esteem, my pride, and my self respect. Not every relationship is the same so please don't think that I am preaching or making less of your situation. I found out that he was cheating on me and got the other girl pregnant and the scary thing was that the pregnancy was what hurt the most because I never did get pregnant. Anyways, I came to the conclusion that I was not so much in love with him as I thought. I was more afraid to be without him and I am better off....I hope beyond hope that you find what works for you and this guy really sees the pain that your heart is in because ONE person cannot make a relationship work on their own.

So now that we all know how long winded I am....good luck and try to remember that sometimes you need to put your needs before others...don't alienate yourself from your friends and family and try to talk to him and see if he would consider going to counseling....again good luck sweetie

This is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. I'm sorry. You should not let someone treat like that. You haven't told us if you were unfaithful in the past, but it doesn't sound like you were, and I can't think of any other way your so-called "boyfriend's" behavior could be justified.
Are you sure you aren't confusing "love" with dependence or a desire for acceptance? I have done this before, so that's why I'm asking...

If you are young, I can't imagine how your bf's controlling and degrading behavior may change into something very bad as you get older.
Honestly, if it were me, I'd do whatever it took, break my own heart, to get away before he did any more damage. I'm just being really straightforward. I'm not trying to be mean or not understand you or belittle your feelings, but I think we all see where this could be going....

i never been unfaithful.. when im with him im super happy.
and he has told that he will never hit me or do things like that..
we being working out things.
he loves me so much and i do to..

Yay for you! (((((((( isadora ))))))))

thanks ill keep u guys updated =)

Hi, how are you? hope you are well!!

You shouldn't have to "prove" you love someone. Especially after a year. If he still feels he can't trust you or you don't love him enough, then either he's right or he has a problem that he needs to fix, you can't do it for him. If you haven't given him and real reasons to to feel as he does, then he sounds like he has a very low self esteem problem and some major control issues. That could mean real problems for any relationship he's in, until he fixes his "inside" problems.

Hi I been good thanks for asking what about you?? :-)

like I said before on new years I stare at his friend for 2 min and he thinks I was flirting with his friend but I wasnt.
he was going to leave me just for that. He thinks that's wrong.
sometimes I can't sleep just to think what I'm going to do so he can see he can trust me and see that I love him. When I tell him I miss him or I love him he starts saying no you don't things like that :-(