[spacecase]

I've always been very close to my older sister. She's practically my mother, my best friend, and my role model (as well as sister, obviously) all in one. She's moving multiple states away though, and I can't imagine not having her around. I'd go with her, but I'm afraid that if I leave, the rest of my family will just fall apart. I'm really scared of what will happen if I leave them too, but at the same time, it'll tear me apart trying to keep them together and being stuck here. I'm havign a hard enough time keeping myself together. And I'm so hurt and mad at her for leaving me behind. I jsut want to tell her I think it's a terrible idea and she can't move but that seems so selfish. It's her life, and she's really looking forward to it, but that also hurts because I feel like she just forgot about me. She's all I really have right now. Would it be so terrible if I told her I don't want her to go? Or is that too selfish, because I know she really wants to do it?

Hello, spacecase. Why do you think the rest of the family would fall apart if you left? While I commend you for your concern about your family, I wonder why you think it is your responsibility to take care of them?

My thought is for you to talk to sister to let her know how much you will miss her. I do not think it is appropriate to ask her to stay. Maybe you can agree to keep in close connect while apart. Perhaps you might even decide to go with her.

Good luck.

[NuckingFutz]

Move the whole family. I have an older sister and I follow her everywhere she goes. This time next year I will be in the same city she is. We communicate several times a day. She loves me unconditionally and I am signing a release of my mental health records for her. We have planned these actions carefully and with great trust. Gond luck with your decision.

[KathyM]

If she really wants to go, I think it would be selfish of you to ask her to stay.

I have a similar relationship with my older sister, and it broke my heart when she moved to Texas in 1980. I wanted to move there too, but I didn't have the heart to leave my elderly parents behind to fend for themselves. She had her heart set on Texas, and there was no talking her out of moving.

After all these years and all the distance between us, our relationship has not changed. We talk with each other on the phone (a LOT), and she comes up to visit once a year. My sister's home is in Texas, and she's happy there. Because we are so close, I have no choice but to be happy for her.

My best friend was like a twin sister to me. We grew up together and did just about everything together. When she was in her early 20s, she decided to move to Florida with her fiance. I wanted to tell her not to move, but I bit my tongue and cried while she was gone. I was THRILLED when they decided to move back after a year in Florida.

Your sister might find her home and happiness several states away or she might find out it's not all it's cracked up to be and come home. Either way, you'll always be close.

[spacecase]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, spacecase. Why do you think the rest of the family would fall apart if you left? While I commend you for your concern about your family, I wonder why you think it is your responsibility to take care of them?

Well my dad constantly works and tries to stay out of the house as much as possible. My mom is depressed and doesn't (I feel absolutely terrible for saying this) really do her job as a mother. She has no control over the house. My siblings REALLY don't listen to my parents. I'm pretty much the only one they listen to. My mom relies on me to be there for her, because my father nor anyone else is. I'm kind of all she has right now. My sister is all I really have though. She's the one person that keeps me sane.

It's difficult to explain. I just am afraid to leave, and it seems so unreasonable to leave right now anyway.

Also, as wonderful an idea it is, there's no chance in me convincing me family to move. They haven't the money nor the will.

I can appreciate your loyalty to your family. You are in a lonely place now. I hope you find a way to make a happier life for yourself in the process.

Please continue to post so we may do what we can to support you.

Good luck.

[VickiesPath]

Spacecase,

Let me tell you from experience, if holding on to the relationship with your sister is worth everything you have to do in order to achieve it, then DO IT. Even if that means leaving your dysfunctional parents behind to fend for themselves. You are NOT responsible for your parents. But if your sister means this much to you, there are two things you need to do:

First, talk to her. Tell her how much she means to you. Tell her that she is very important in your life and you would very much like to live near her. Get her reaction. Make sure she is OK with that. Also make sure that she understands that you do not want her to feel any guilt or responsibility with regard to her moving. It's just that you want to live close to her even if that means moving away from your parents.

Second, if all of the above seems ok, then make some solid plans that will enable you to accomplish what you want. She may be willing to help you. But she may not. She may not be able to help you in the beginning and it may take a while before she can. Circumstances will dictate that.

It's always a possibility that the subject may come up regarding "who will take care of mom and dad". The truth is, it is not up to either one of you to do that. And it is not a healthy environment, either. You may find some resistance from her on that. But, let's not jump ahead too much. These things can be dealt with as they come.

I hope some of this has been helpful. I have lost my relationship with my only sister over a disagreement we had several months ago and it still hurts. I hope the same does not happen to you.

Best of luck.