[LarSo]

I have been married 45 years and am frustrated because my I have not been able to have intercourse with my wife for the past several years and I miss it badly. She has hormonal deficiencies and can't use gels and as result, her vagina is extremely dry and inflexible, so intercourse is ultra painful. She's consulted physician specialists but to no avail. I have had extramarital relationships for sex as I see no other way for me to have intercourse. I have kept this secret from her because I don't know how to present the idea, as I think she'd be unhappy. I'm unhappy doing it but enjoy sex. Are there any other options?

Do you have to have full sex? Are there other ways you can both satisfy each other other?
I don't want to judge you, but affairs are horrible. It's not the sex on it's own, its the secrets, the lying. I know you're frustrated, but there are other ways to connect and still be satisfied and have fun, if you use your imagination a bit. Sex is an important part but it shouldn't be the most important part, which to me is how you see it if you're willing to cheat on your partner of 45 years. You already admit that she will be unhappy if she knew, and I bet one day she will find out...
Are there any other options? Not if you only want full sex and the docs can't help. You just have to decide what is more important to you.

Good luck.

[lynn P.]

Are you saying your wife can't use hormone gels or even water based gels? Has she tried the water based gels or beads? Is she able to try an Estrogen Ring? Has she had blood tests to see if she's low on Testosterone? Women also have Testosterone and this depletes causing a low sex drive. I can't think of any reason why she can't use a water based lubricant and some gentle encouragement. How was sex before this problem? I'm wondering if there's other factors in why she doesn't want ex. Maybe couples counseling is needed. I understand you're frustrated but can't validate affairs. You both could also be pleasing in others sex acts. Encourage her to try the water based lubricants and have her testosterone checked.

I think low levels of estrogen caused lack of fluids, and both estrogen and testosterone lowered the libido? Sorry if am wrong tho. I am guessing that if they've been married for 45 years that she has reached the menopause? Perhaps get them both checked. I also don't understand the gels - there's a fair few of them, and quite a lot without any hormones.

[lynn P.]

Yes you're correct riotgrrrl...estrogen lowers natural lubrication, elasticity and libido. I recommended she have her testosterone checked because this will increase her desire. I forgot to include this link:

Vaginal Dryness and Vaginal Atrophy Treatment and Causes by MedicineNet.com

[hamster-bamster]

I have never had this issue, but, just thinking out loud - can she take an Advil before you start? You wrote that it is extra painful. Advil is sometimes taken before things that are expected to be painful.