[hurtandconfused29]

Hello Everyone!!!

Here is my update...Friday before I came to work my husband came home early. Empty Handed! He did not get alcohol when he came home. (I had to look twice) Anyways, I asked him to sit down and I proceeded to tell him that I was going to start going to Alanon meetings. He got a very confused look on his face and I told him exactly how I felt about his drinking and the things he says to me when he is drunk. I said that to continue down the road we are on will end in both of us being miserable or at the worst, divorce. I mean I laid my soul bare right there in the living room and he started to tear up. He said that he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone in his whole life and was recently having nightmares about me leaving him.
He told me about his job and why he is so stressed and poopy lately and said he would try very hard to slow down his drinking. Not stop but slow down and I am ok with that for now, let's see where this goes right?

So then I broached the subject of sex and he informed me that because he is so insecure about his body that he is more comfortable making love after he has his "liquid courage" to which I said that I will not have drunk sex with him.

I really think that he is willing to work at things and I am very optimistic...I love him and hope beyond hope that this works for the positive. Thanks again and I will keep everyone posted!

Hello, hurtandconfused. You did what needed to be done, I truly hope things change for the better as a result.

Good for you!

[chaosandcreativity]

As a recovering alcoholic myself (13 years sober), your husband is not going to quit unless he wants to quit. You can harp at him until you're blue in the face, but it's not going to help. If anything, reminding him all the time will anger him. If you can, just be there when he needs help, praise him for the steps he takes when he makes an attempt to quit, and never, never, do an "I told you so" if he relapses. Relapses are a part of the addiction.

He needs to gain some self-confidence. Once that happens, there should be no problem with sex. It's not about you. It's about his insecurities. Most addicts are really down on themselves. It took a great deal of therapy for me to see that I'm not a piece of crap.

[Tamale]

I'm really, really glad that you "bared your soul"...it sounds like you two really love each other and it took a lot of courage to talk to him like that.
Follow through with your promises about Al-Anon and no drunk sex.
Best of Luck!