[A_Long_ways]

Post pretty much says it all. I have never really been too good with other guys. My entire life, I've always just connected better on a friendship level with females. For some reason I just never had a "best friend" who was male. My first best friend I knew since I was a baby, and her and I stayed friends till we were 13 and I moved. I met another girl and quickly became friends with her and soon we were best friends. For some reason I just don't click with guys like I click with girls. I kinda look at other men as mostly instinct driven bags of testosterone, weak on the inside, and always putting on a show. Like I absolutely hate the guys that while you're around a group of girls they're just polite with a fake smile and a cute little joke, then when the girls walk away they say the dirtiest most perverted things about them that you could ever imagine. And you know those girls are walking away thinking how nice a guy he was, meanwhile he's just another piece of s***. I just can't respect a guy like that, and I can't be friends with someone I don't respect.

Perhaps it has to do with having pretty much no relationship with my father, I dunno. The only reason this concerns me is I don't have a guy to just talk about guy stuff with. Or to go out to bars with etc. I have a few male "friends" but they're more accurately called acquaintances. Maybe I'm a bit more emotional than other guys, but I've yet to meet one that will actually be there if I needed emotional support. It's always my female friends there for me when I'm down, and vice versa.

This whole thing leads me into the infamous "friend zone". If I meet someone I'm attracted to, I try to be nice, make her laugh, show her respect. The types of things I think are just normal for showing your interest in someone. But within the blink of an eye I'm the guy that she's "just so lucky to have as a friend". I'm not saying I don't want her friendship, just that I was kinda hoping for something more. Not that I've been looking recently, just that from my past thats what always happens.

I just don't understand why it's like a competition of who can be the biggest scumbag, and the winner gets the girl. Aren't there any normal women out there that just want a nice guy? Do they all want the dumbass with the loudest car stereo and the fakest pick-up line? I went a bit off topic, but yeah, this is mostly how I feel about 95% of other guys. Maybe it's where I live, sometimes I feel like I should've been born in middle America or something. I dunno. Perhaps this was just one big rant

[Belle1979]

Hi

I think that your are more open and honest than most guys and that they could very well see this as a bit frightening to be honest. Most guys (that I know) don't like to share thier emotions and try to act 'tough'.

I've been attracted to both 'bad boys' and then the nice guys too, I have to say tho I do have a string of 'guy' mates that are similar to what you said... nice guys that I feel lucky to be friends with.

As I get older I look (will look soon anyway) for different qualities in a man... and I like nice guys to be honest.

I have no advice other than just be yourself because there is nothing wrong with who you are or what you are.

I kinda look at other men as mostly instinct driven bags of testosterone, weak on the inside, and always putting on a show

Why is it surprising you have no male friends with that kind of stereotyping? Since you have no male friends, how can you say, "Maybe I'm a bit more emotional than other guys, but I've yet to meet one that will actually be there if I needed emotional support." How could you know how emotional they are? Why would they be there if you are not friends with any?

I just don't understand why it's like a competition of who can be the biggest scumbag, and the winner gets the girl. Aren't there any normal women out there that just want a nice guy? Do they all want the dumbass with the loudest car stereo and the fakest pick-up line? I went a bit off topic, but yeah, this is mostly how I feel about 95% of other guys. Maybe it's where I live, sometimes I feel like I should've been born in middle America or something. I dunno. Perhaps this was just one big rant

That is an interesting quote. I suppose some women might think they are normal and? You know.

[Psyched]

I was never drawn to the "life of the party" type of guy, & have always gravitated towards the quiet guys sitting in the corner just observing everyone else.
Like I wrote, always- even when I was your age. Maybe I saw a part of myself in them, or maybe I just found them to be more interesting. But I guess they wouldn't be sitting there alone if most girls were like me.

You are really young, & so are the women you see falling for these types of men. I think that most young women are very impressionable & don't have the experience to appreciate a good heart. After theirs' get broken a few times, they will learn the difference. Give it time. As for now... they may be rare, but I'm sure there are other women your age out there who are like I was. (But you're probably going to have a harder time finding her in a place like NYC.)

[A_Long_ways]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Why is it surprising you have no male friends with that kind of stereotyping?

Well, I didn't mean to stereotype but after rereading it perhaps I was a bit harsh. I'm just going off what I've seen and learned. And when it comes to not knowing how emotional they are, you get a vibe from people. I *had* male friends, but never considered any of them a best friend, someone I could trust or someone I knew I could call at 4am after I got into a car accident or something. I was reflecting on this post this morning and thought to myself that it was unfair, I have had one really good male friend. I guess thats all we can hope for is one or two really good friends. He and I lost contact but I feel like if I called him up he'd be there if I really needed. I just hate going to bars/parties and having like nothing in common with the other guys. I don't care about who won the game that played the day before, I'd much rather be talking about that amazing article in Science Magazine. I need to find dorkier get togethers I think

@psyched - I'm not exactly that young, thats the part that annoys me. I used to think to myself back when I was 18 this type of behavior was laughable, and it would be gone when I was like 21. Now I'm 26, and I'm still seeing it as the norm. I just have to remember that, I did find someone. Just hurts that she's gone now. She can't be the last one in the world I'm attracted to and vice versa.

I guess this post was just kinda out of frustration. I haven't been single in a while and the prospect of trying to find someone new stirred all of this in me I think.

Blah.

[Belle1979]

I think in a way that you do need to find 'dorkier' (not in a bad way tho) friends Just people that have more in common with you and what you like to talk about - find a book club or similar maybe?

On the flip side it is okay to not have everything in common with your friends. Some of my greatest friends have totoally different views... but I think on an emotional level we are similar and that's what it sounds like you are looking for..