Fear of getting hurt...

Well, it's a new year and so far it's been...well...good and bad. I haven't been sleeping well at all since I've been back at school. This is my final semester at Wesleyan and I'm trying to finish this thesis project that I'm working on. Along with financial issues issues I've been dealing with, it hasn't been easy to keep my anxiety down. On the bright side, there is a new guy in my life who happens to be everything that I've been looking for. During the holidays we had an amazing date. He took me to see an awesome musical, we had lunch, and then we strolled a bookstore. There we ended up in the Spanish-language section and he read loves poems to me in Spanish. It was so beautiful and romantic and genuine. He's very handsome, super smart - he's an intellectual, he actually takes an interest in my work and is also into the same kinds of cultural stuff that I'm into. He's in law school and working, he's generous, and caring, and very thoughtful. We also have so much in common in terms of our personalities. Even though I know that I don't needhim in my life, that I can be happy by myself, I enjoy his company greatly and I'm come to care about him a lot over the past couple of weeks.

But I am terrified.

I've gotten my heart broken so many times and I'm scared of growing attached to him -- of falling in love with him, just to have my heart broken all over again. Even though this guy is amazing, he comes with major baggage: he's in the middle of a divorce right now and part of the issue in his marriage was his infidelity.

I don't want to judge him based on this. Everyone makes mistakes. Even though I have never cheated on someone, I have done some shameful things that I would never want someone to judge me on. But at the same time, how do I know that things will be any different with me? I mean, I don't even know what to define what exactly our relationship is right now. If we ever get serious in the future...and that's a big if -- how do I know that he won't have that uneasy feeling with me that has caused him to do what he's done?

I know that in love and relationships there are no guarantees. The risk you take is part of the entire process.

But I just can't shake off this fear. I like this guy a lot and I feel myself getting emotionally involved, getting attached, and I don't know what to do.

I mean, if he decides to go back to his wife and try and work things out, I need to respect that. I need to respect that he's not ready for a relationship right now. And then there's the question of not knowing yet where the heck I'll be going to grad school next year. And he's planning on being abroad.

So..yeah...

What am I doing?

Am I setting myself up for failure?

We've tried to take things slow but we have both developed very real feelings for each other...

How can u tell difference between your gut/instinct and a fear that could be holding you back?

What if you had a whole bunch of people to be there emotionally supporting you on...listening to your every word. Cheering your victories and sharing hugs and hope when things do not go so well? Would that help to be able to love like you have never loved before?

My view is that you have more invested and more to lose.

Only you know if it's your gut instinct telling you something, or a fear because of past experience. No knowing the background concerning this guy's infidelity it's difficult to know what to say to you. My personal experience is that when something is my gut instinct it's very strong and I just KNOW.

You have to trust your gut instinct, women tend to have a sixth sense about things. What could get messy and complicated is his divorce. I would be weary of that point, when will that be finalized? You have to be able to get past the break down factor of his marriage, infidelity. Sometimes you have to just follow your heart and just keep it guarded a little until you can know for sure you can trust him. Would he be going away abroad to study, that could put a big strain on a relationship. IMO, I would be careful, follow your gut instincts but don't get too deep until after he has his divorce finalized. I'm 42 and have had my heart broken lots of times, so I have some experience to lean on. I hope this guy is your Prince Charming for you.