Desperate

My husband has told me he is in love with another woman and wants a divorce. I have been hanging on to him by using the kids to keep him from leaving. I know he is miserable and really does love this woman, but I can't let go. What should I do?

hi sherwar im sorry to hear that
if he doesnt love u why be with a men who will not make you feel loved.
i know it can be hard too let go. my boyfriend was about to leave me because he thought i was flirtying with his best friend and i wasnt.. i beg him not to leave me i cry i got down on my knee, i had to do so many things. finally he told me that he was goin to give me a last chance.
If you did something wrong for your husband to leave you ask him.
just remember he is not the only men in this world.. there are more and maybe someone else will give you all the love you neeed
wish you the best keep us updated to see how your doing

Sherwar I am sorry too to hear you are experiencing this. If you are sure he loves someone else, give yourself permission to let go of him. Use the kids to enjoy them and your life.

You deserve a shot at true love, instead of unrequitted love...you truly DESERVE this

Sweet heart, I understand how difficult is what you are going through....but the problem is that we can't force people to love us....I'm sure he still has love for you as you are the mother of his kids, but what can you do? just forgive him and let it go....You need time to heal, but the good news is that you will heal and you will be just fine....

Stay strong
Marjan

I know its hard letting go of a man who you love and you childrens father. Sometime its the best thing to do instead of holding on to a man who will never give himself completely to you making you unhappy and unsure of everything. You having children makes it also complicated and wanting to hold on to him maybe a lil scared of being alone. It he isnt happy your not going to be happy. I hope everything works out for the best for you..

Its true you can't make a man love you as much as we may want to try. And do try. Believe me I've made a fool of myself trying to hold onto someone that ddnt want to be with me. It is very hard to let go and it will take time to get yourself in a good place but remember when you let him go you open your heart to let in someone who will love you and only you. Good luck.

I'm sorry you're having to face this, Sherwar.
Letting go when we are not prepared to is one of the most difficult tasks we must endure, however you CAN achieve that IF you allow yourself to.

At this point, you must ask yourself what is it you want most for your kids. BY being "desperate" in this situation, you are not allowing yourself the beginning of passage, therefore, your behavior may be showing your kids a form of lack of control and fear. And in any breakup of family, the children are usually the ones who carry an enormous amount of guilt, fear, and blame.
Perhaps, try to focus more on what you want for your children. Try to redirect your attention more on the best provisions for your kids, and KNOW that by doing so, you are doing the best thing for yourself, as well.

Time is your ali. Through time, you can heal..so long as you allow yourself TO let go.
There is no control in despiration. Please try to allow yourself to let go, and you will obtain your own sense of control.

I wish you and your children the best...

Shangrala

Be brave and let go, you are worth so much more. Do it for you and your kids, you will be ok, I promise!! I will send good thoughts and peace your way, you will be ok, you just need to make that first step and let go.....

Apparently you love your husband so much that your willing to forgive his betrayal. And that kind of desperate love must hurt more than your letting on here. But i agree with all the others and think that you cant force a person to love you. Wht will you do once ur kids grow up? how will make him stay then...your holding on to some very vague hope that he still cares for u or u can still make him change his mind right? I personally do not think tht can happen if the only reason he stil hasn left is his children. But if he does stay with you, i wonder wht kind of marriage you will have. Will u be able to trust him again? Ask yourself these questions and think about it. your only making yourself miserable by this. You should let him go if u love him and give him his chance and let him know how much you love him. And time will heal your hurt and give a new chance at life.

I know he is only staying because of his son, but I can't let him go, I don't care if he is miserable, I can't stand the thought of him being with that "homewrecker". I don't want them to be together. I am not letting him go.

What if not only HE is miserable, YOU are miserable......you count, too

I know someone who was in the same situation, they went to marriage counselling together to help close the marriage, it was a help to them both and the children.

Maybe you can suggest something like this to your husband ....

Have you considered tht he might slowly start to hate you for it? Ive seen many relationships gone sour like this and the husband or wife has ended up hating each other. Often your children get caught up in between. But it seems like you've already made your choice despite all these advices. You really deserve better than a loveless marriage. But if your willling to make tht struggle, then please visit a marriage counsellor with your husband. Pull out all stops to make it work. Make sure he does not meet with the woman he loves if you want to make him forget her. Make him want to stay as much as possible. Do not let your anger or resentment take over during this time, just be patient and do your best. Wish everything works out for you.

hi sherwar,
I can understand how hard it is for you to let go, it's never easy. Our instinct is to do whatever possible to keep them right next to us. The world without them seems so uncertain and scary.
You strongly believe that you cannot let him go and eventually he'll change his mind and end up staying without being forced. I do believe, that even though right now you're not ready to let him go, you will be able to find that strength as time goes.
Like everyone says, with time you'll heal if you let him go
With time, you'll find the strength to let him go too, on your term when you're ready
I agree with everybody that it's best to let him go if he won't love you. It's his loss since he has you and his son who love him very much but he's willing to throw that away.