[englishteacher]

I've been severely depressed for weeks. It hit critical mass over the weekend. I'm coming back...slowly. I'm going to a support group tomorrow night. I'm trying to get better and find a way to get back on my meds.

But now my husband is a mess. I broke him with my depression and the stress of our lives. He came home yesterday shaking and crying and couldn't stop. I did my best to comfort him and taught him some deep breathing exercises that I've learned to comfort myself. He says he lost it at work and he's scared that he will lose his job. I tried to talk him down. Apparently creditors have been harrassing him daily at work, despite him telling them that he was at work and couldn't discuss it. They have been calling him several times a day and being very verbally abusive to him. He'd had enough yesterday and went to talk to lawyers he works with...they took care of the creditor, he says. However, he was angry and out of control. I don't know if his job is really in jeopardy. His boss knows that I've been depressed and suicidal. His boss knows that he's under a tremendous strain. He's been at work for 2 hours now. I hope that means he still has a job.

He went to work this morning, but he didn't want to. He says he feels weak and helpless. I empathize. My instinct is to stuff my own emotions and help him deal with his, but the only way I know how to do that is to put on a happy face. I can do it for a while, but it won't last. I'm still too close to the edge to be able to maintain that sort of facade.

I'm lost - now he's lost.

[perpetuallysad]

It sounds like you both are in a tough place right now. I am so very sorry.

I do know that most of the time creditors will continue to call your work until they get a letter in writing saying to not call that number. I would send it by certified mail, then call to make sure they got it, otherwise, its completely withing their rights to call (I know they are evil, but they push the laws).

I hope things get better soon.

[englishteacher]

Thanks perpetual - I'm pretty sure the lawyers took care of the creditors. Hubby said he got an email from the VP of the company apologizing for the harrassment. I agree that they are evil. That's why I don't talk to them at all any more. They really mess up my head and I end up bawling like a baby. It's not that I want to be in debt. I'd love to be able to just pay them all...what a relief that would be.

[lynn P.]

Sorry this is happening. It really must be hard dealing with your own illness and then the financial strain as well. It's particularly hard on the man when there's financial strain. Did you know it's against the law for creditors to harass and be abusive. Is your debt high enough to consider bankruptcy - this may be something to consider or consolidation of all your credit cards. We did this 6 months ago(bankruptcy) and we also learned to cut back massively on spending. I'll share a few tips.

1. Our phone bill was 90 with Bell, with all those little extras like 3 way calling etc. I researched other companies and their base price was 29. We called them and canceled all the extras and told them we would switch if they didn't offer the equal competitors price. You can do this with insurance, internet, satellite etc.

2. We canceled satellite/cable.

3. I started grocery shopping at discount stores - instead of paying 200, I would pay only 100 at discount stores. I look for sales and stock up and plan my meals according to what's on sale.

4. We cut out going out for dinner and buying take out. We make our own lunches instead of buying one - it's healthier anyway.

5. We only go to the movies once in a while and go a discount day.

6. I only buy the necessary school clothes and resist all impulse buying. I always ask myself "do I really need this".

These are just some of the ways I saved money and I really started to feel a sense of satisfaction from doing this. So far we've been able to keep our house. We're small business owners and business has been slow the last few years. Now I look forward to grocery shopping and feel such a sense of satisfaction when I save money.

You and your husband can work on this together and if he feels you're trying to help in the ways I mentioned, he'll feel supported. Even though I don't admire my husband for other reasons, I did feel sorry for him when he was crying because of devastating debt. Often men feel like failures when they're in debt and I know it's hard seeing a man cry. Usually men won't cry unless they're completely over whelmed. You both can work on this together and it will actually bring you closer - its survival time. Best of luck.

[englishteacher]

Lynn,

Thanks for the suggestions. We've been cutting back for a long time. I shop at the cheapest place available. I do coupons. We cut back to one phone with no perks. Eating out is a special treat (except when I'm too depressed to function). Me and kids take lunches. Hubby chooses to eat lunch out or not eat at all. I've offered many times to fix his lunch, but he doesn't want it. Movies? New clothes? what are those?

Now, that being said, if we really wanted to help ourselves financially, we'd quit smoking. Smoking is costing us $12 a day...but I can't seem to stop and he won't stop if I don't stop. I feel like giving up cigarettes would make me so tense and upset that I would cease to function. Stupid cigarettes! Stupid addiction! It would be nice if I could find the strength to stop, but that seems to be my pattern. I may logically know what needs to be done, but I can't make myself do it.

[englishteacher]

Oh, and yes, I know it's against the law for creditors to behave this way - doesn't stop them. Just like it's illegal for people to park in front of your driveway and block your car in, but I live in front of an elementary school and they do it all the time anyway. One day, I actually went outside and told the lady blocking my car that I would call the police if she didn't move her car. She responded, "oh, did you need to get out now?" My answer, "no, but it's still illegal and very rude of you to block me in" She moved, but then I felt bad for being mean to her. (it was a bad day)

Legal, illegal...it's all about what you can get away with nowadays.

[lynn P.]

Yes I know what you mean. Good to know you're already cutting back - wish I had some new ideas.

(((((englishteacher)))))
Sorry to hear that things are so tough for you and your husband right now. Those creditors have no business harrassing your husband like that! As lynn P. said, I hope you two can get through this together and become stronger and closer as a result. You two will be in my thoughts.

[englishteacher]

thanks to both of you...I really want to call and check on him, but I'm afraid that calling him may upset him...

[englishteacher]

checked on him anyway and he sounds pretty okay - relief for now.