losing him...

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 10 months, and we have gone through some issues in just the past month alone. He told me recently that he said he wanted some time to himself to think about things alone. Not even a week went by and we decided to talk about it, and figured out that the problem was probably that we don't do anything with other friends or out in public very much. We went out a few times since then, and I thought everything was okay, but just last night he told me that he thinks there might be another existing problem between us.
I really don't want to lose him because we are so good together, but I don't really know how much more of this I can handle. I love him, and he says that he loves me too, and he really means it, but he also told me that the first time we kissed and the first time we said I love you he felt like it was forced.
I really want this relationship to go the distance, I really don't know what to do about his confusion in all of this, and I just want to get us through all of this. He isn't an open person about a lot of these things, though, and doesn't try to communicate as much as I would like.
I guess what I want to know is just, how can we work this out together and figure out what he is dealing with?

Hello, HZ3006. “If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.” ~Doug Horton

That's why I hate rushing relationships. I refuse to say I love you or kiss if I don't feel like I want to because, later on, that can lead to resentment. So I'm sure he does mean those things he says to you but, because it wasn't natural the first time, he may feel a little resentment. That maybe things moved too fast for him.

I agree with the above poster that, if he really wants it to work, then give him some space and he will come back. If he doesn't then you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you anyway. We all deserve to feel loved by someone who truly means it. Don't settle for a guy who can't quite grasp whether he is ready for a commitment or not. Things all work out the way they should.

I agree with the wise advice from the other posters. He may sense you really are intense on wanting this relationship to work. This kind of thing can't be rushed. Losen up a bit and give him some time.

I have given him some space last week, he asked for it and I gave it to him... He talked to me after less than a week went by, and we talked and I thought we figured out what was going on... he even told me after we figured it out that he felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders.... I gave him space, and I am willing to give more if it means there's a chance things will work out, but I'm not quite sure that is what is really what he needs.

Please keep us posted. I hope you find the appropriate resolution for this dilemma.

((HZ3006)) - relationships are tough - aren't they?

People can't figure out their feelings in a weeks time...most people can't figure out their feelings in a life time. It's something that isn't on a time schedule....it happens when it happens & even when we think it's happened sometimes we realize that wasn't the case. Think he may be feeling pressure & that is one thing guys will shy away from very quickly. You are right.....it may not be what he needs either.....he may be realizing that this relationship isn't the right one for him & he just doesn't know how to tell you.

Whatever the case, if it's meant to be....you will be able to give it 6 months & he will realize it's the right thing.......or you can give you 6 months & he will end up realizing that he's better off not being in that relationship.

Relationships are not one way streets....You can't force someone to really love you if the feeling isn't there & just saying it doesn't mean the feelings are really there which is what he may have realized. Time will tell how he really feels & how you really feel.

Example.....I have been married 33 years.....not a good marriage. I realized I never loved him since after moving out I have never had one moment when I have missed being with him.......& that's after 33 years of being married to the person. No point in getting into relationships where there isn't 2 way love....isn't worth tie time or the energy trying to force it to work.

Giving him space doesn't necessarily mean that the only thing you have to do is see him a bit less. There's more to it than that. It sounds like he feels as if things are moving too fast for him, and there could be many aspects/characteristics of your relationship that contribute to making him feel that way.

Let's say that you give him his "space," whatever that may entail for him. IF he feels as if you are still yearning for more closeness, for more of a committment, for things to go back to the way they were, then he might feel uncomfortable. There might be an indirect pressure that he feels, even if you're not directly placing any on him. He may even feel guilty or upset that you're unhappy.

I'm going through a similar issue with my b/f of a little over 2 years. If you'd even call him that. We're in limbo right now. My therapist suggested that the only thing I can do is respect his wants/needs; that is, if I feel he is worth sticking around for. We shall see.

Good luck, I know it's hard to be in a position like this. Believe me, I know.

Thank you all very much, I will keep you posted and I will definitely take all of your advice into deep consideration. I really feel much better now that I know what I can do about this.