Help! I don't know how to reject somebody

Hi all,

I recently met this guy and thought I really liked him. We have a lot in common and he's very very kind, and very cute. We went on a first date which went very well, we had a lot to talk about. The second date was today. It ended with a kiss.

I felt absolutely nothing.
No spark, no nothing. Nothing there. Just this awkward kiss.

I feel like that is telling -- there's no use wasting this guy's time -- the chemistry just isn't there, right?

But.. I suck at this. I really, really suck at this.

How do I let him down after all this?
I don't want to hurt his feelings and I'm afraid I led him on.
I don't even know what words to use, how to do it. What I'm afraid of is that I'll just string this along being totally unable to reject him.

Please help..

You say he is kind and you have a lot in common. Perhaps you could be casual friends rather than romantic friends. Sometimes relationships start casual and then develop the spark. And vice versa. How about telling him you like to take things slowly and are not sure what you want at the moment?

Great advice Yoda

well thanks Lynn but you never know with me. Sometimes I am helpful and sometimes I am in my own little world and sometimes I am just annoying. Unfortunately no way to predict which I will be on any given day.

i got rejected in a similar scenario a couple days ago, i walked away perfectly happy. she made it very clear that she just wanted to be friends and she was just really direct and nice about it.

Direct works for me too.

slow down girl....It's been just couple of dates....I don't think he expects anything from you.....
There is no obligation here....just don't answer your phone so quickly....and don't be available, then if he asked you why, tell him politely that you feel that chemistry is not there between them, but you can stay friend with him.....easy....take care

I think telling him there is no chemistry at this point is the kiss of death (no pun intended). I would go with Yoda's suggestion because he is not annoying today.

My rejections were more along the lines of, come again when you don't have so long to stay.

jexa,

I suppose with the way you talked this guy up here, with the, lots in common, kindness, and cute.
To have The first kiss, not make you weak in the knees and a little bit dizzy, maybe you owe it to yourself to "experiment" one more time on this "kiss theory".

Then you will have something to say as a "I'm just not feeling it" sortta in a way. (this would be where you will just have to insert, what comes to mind),
Good Luck!

dyzan.
~waves~

Thanks everyone. I really have to think some more about this. The lack of spark is telling, but I guess it is only a second date, and maybe I should experiment a little. I just have this terrible habit of having a gut reaction (in this case, my gut says it's not going to work because no spark) and not listening to it, and ending up in trouble. So I guess I'm trying to listen to my gut. But I don't want to reject a good thing if something really could come of it. But I don't want to string him along making him hope for something that can't happen.

Still undecided

It is okay to be still undecided.

"But I don't want to reject a good thing if something really good could come of it. But I don't want to string him along making him hope for something that can't happen."

You sound completely undecided, which is to be expected in such a short time. He's really nice & you have a lot in common. If it doesn't work out, that wouldn't be stringing him along- it would be giving him a chance. Sounds like you should be giving yourself a chance, too.

I can understand that you'd want to listen to your gut; it's the only one you have* and you'd naturally want to stay on good terms with it. Still, I was wondering -- what's your gut's track record like? For instance, does it ever tell you "Yes, yes, yes!!!" about some relationship that clearly never had a chance?

Is there any particular hurry to decide, or are you just expecting to feel more comfortable once you've put this choice behind you and are moving on to whatever's next?

----------------------------------
* The only one you've gut?

just let him know you aren't feeling him in that way. if you try to be too nice, it tends to lead them on, which causes more problems. tell him you aren't exactly ready for a realationship, but that you wanna be friends

Hey,

I have similar problem..no spark but he is kind and gentle and would give me the world if he could.
I think that if the spark isn't there and you don't go weak in the knees then it's not going to happen later (imo)

I think that being direct about not feeling it is the best way... I know that as much as it hurts I prefer to be told things directly and I feel that others deserve it too

Best of Luck!

Short story...lady goes out on a blind date with this doctor. They are having dinner. Same thing that happened to you happened to this lady...no spark. She was about to ask him to take her home just when his pager went off. It was an emergency at the hospital. He did not have time to drop her off. So she went with him to the ER. And as she watched him caring for his patients he came alive...he had confidents, he loved to save people. He was passionate and so alive and she saw this and felt a spark. How about giving this relationship more time?

Thanks everyone.

Some are telling me that he will never make me go weak in the knees if he didn't already. Some are telling me to give it time. I think I'm going to go with the second option, especially because of what you said, Nucking. I can definitely see myself changing gears totally if I saw true passion in him. In fact, I'm not one to jump straight into swooning anyway.

FZ, I have a track record of pretty good gut reactions, that I don't listen to. I knew from the beginning that my last relationship was not going to work, and I totally ignored my gut and was with this guy for 2 1/2 years. But the things that didn't work about that relationship (guy was not at all ambitious, we were on different wavelengths with what we wanted out of life) are not true in this case. But this guy is much nerdier, more straight-laced than I am, so we are on different wavelengths in a sense, but I'm not sure our differences are a bad thing.

The rush is, I am moving to grad school in a year and a couple of months and I guess.. I don't know, maybe I'm looking for love before I go, possibly something meaningful, maybe even if all goes well we could move together, or he (whoever it is) could move later on? Grad school is a big commitment and I guess a part of me is afraid I won't find true love, ever, and I'll be stuck in this school and working too hard and all the sudden I'll be 30. So a part of me is hoping to find something good before I go. These are pipe dreams and thinking far in advance, but I think it's a part of my rush.