[sleeplessmommy2010]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. We have a 3 1/2 yr old daughter together and he is the "step father" to my 9 1/2 yr old son. We have a great relationship however there isn't much sex involved. We work opposite shifts and between kids, bills and everyday stuff sex gets pushed back. In either case just recently I found a picture of his "manhood" in his cell phone and it was sent to a girl's email. I asked him about it and who the girl was. He said this girl friend requested him on Facebook and they started chatting. They chatted just as friends but HE says SHE started flirting with him out of the blue. She said something about him not being able to "get it up" so he in turn sends her the picture. He says he knew it was wrong and that he did it because "she paid him compliments and gave him attention that I obviously was not giving him". I became very upset and demanded to know how the two of them knew each other, did they have sex, were they still chatting, where does she live, etc. He told me everything and said that he deleted her as a friend on Facebook and hasn't talked to her since he sent the picture. She lives in Rhode Island and we live in Florida so I know the two of them didn't have sex but I feel SO betrayed by him. This IS NOT how my boyfriend normally acts. He is a very loving and caring man and I know he loves me very much. He seems very genuine in his apology. I love this man very much and want so much for our relationship to work out. Can I ever fully trust him again? He even gave me the passwords to his Yahoo email account and his Facebook (not that that means anything).

[perpetuallysad]

I know you are looking for some better advice than this, but you are the only one who can decide if you can trust him again. SO, can you trust him again? Are you willing to work on this? Do you believe everything he's told you?

[Rhapsody]

Having been on both sides of the fence concerning this issue when my own marriage was struggling about ten years ago... I can say with confidence "yes you can trust him again" if you both are honest and up front with each other and you see a change in his online behavior.

BTW - make an effort in getting the sex back into the bedroom (say at least once a week) and start to notice your man more and what you liked about him in the first place or as you have seen some one else will and lets face it the human ego is often fragile and susceptible to flattery when we least expect it.

[salukigirl]

I know it really hurts that he did this but he is obviously giving out a cry for help here. Were you snooping through his phone in the first place? If so, it doesn't sound like you really trusted him in the first place.

Bottom line EVERYBODY needs to feel attractive and sexy and loved. Granted, this wasn't exactly a healthy way to express that but he obviously wants some more attention from you. My bf is getting his masters and working on his thesis and I will graduate in May. He is looking for jobs right now and I am trying to figure out financial aid and looking for a house etc... but we still make it a priority to sometimes just stop what we're doing and give the other person a hug or a kiss.

It doesn't even have to be physical attention. Maybe, since you work opposite shifts, leave him a note to find when he gets home. Get him a card. Anything to show you care. Relationships are a lot of work and you can't really expect him to sit back and not get any affection or attention and just be okay with that. Sounds like you guys need to make some time for each other.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

Were you snooping through his phone in the first place? If so, it doesn't sound like you really trusted him in the first place.

I understand this feeling as well, and from my own experience I have to say that it is usually the behavior / actions of the deceitful partner that stirs the mistrust in us in the first place.

And then there are those that have trust issues that are displaced upon a faithful loved one from the untrustworthy partner - the deceitful partners mind starts to play tricks on them by saying "if I can do this then she/he can too."

I speak from experience from when my husband once mistrusted me due to the fact that he had misbehaved in the past... and he thought "if I could she could" (truth be told, I had just changed my mind that morning and left to walk the dog around the lake when my husband had decided to stop by the house to visit with me while driving to another job - and since I had told him that morning I wouldn't be going any where that day his mind went the only place it could given his own past and he thought I was having an affair).

My husbands fear of this affair only grew stronger in his mind as he drove by the house two other times that day and did not see my car parked in the drive way... the car was parked over to the far right of the yard under a few shady trees for some relief from the hot Florida sun. (lol - go figure)

* * * * * * * *

HUMANS - COMPLICATED - for SURE!