Just Dont Understand Him -

Its been well over a month since my husband said he wanted to set aside some time to talk, but so far nothing - I have tried to get him to open up and he will not... he tries but nothing comes... and after watching him I can say that I am almost sure that he is headed for a breakdown IF he doesn't open up soon and let the pain and negativity out - he hates his life, he hates his job, he hates people, and while he says he loves his family and wants to be around us he shows no emotional sign of happiness.



I feel lost and helpless as though all I can do is to wait until he breaks and then do my best (with a therapist) to help him put the pieces back together... when he is at his weakest and can longer fight against the help that is being offered to him.

He is a stubborn man for sure, but I love him.

May your strength and perseverance carry the day.

(((((((( Rhapsody )))))))))

I have some trouble telling my true feelings about a situation when my DW and me talk. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but there are times I seriously considered just disappearing. I have been harrassed and harranged for over a year by her because I had a female friend at work. We talked about her relationship with her husband and how she could improve their relationship. I talked with her on a regular basis for over a year and then my DW thought it was an affair going on. I immediately broke of any communication with this friend and we moved to another state for a job. Still to this day she thinks I had an affair, emotional or whatever. I think it is totally stupid. She will bring it up and keep me on edge all the time and I think she enjoys tormenting me over it. I have told her over and over that nothing happened, she still thinks there is more to it and drives me to the brink of madness with her insessant questioning. Over and over and over and over. Finally I just blew a gasket and told her I never want to talk about it again. Guess what, yesterday........yep, she was on it again. This was over a year ago. I am near my end. The best thing she could do is leave me alone.
Disappearing is looking better all the time.

Pehaps waiting until your husband is ready to talk and not bugging him is the way to go. If he gets loud, you can always tell him that getting loud does not make his point anymore valid. It could be mid-life crisis. He is nervous, feeling unsettled.......I know that feeling very very well. I stay nervous and I know what it's like to walk on eggshells. I feel like that in my own home and I bring in all the money. I sometimes think she sits at home and plans how to harrass me. Other days everything is fine and we have great times together. then there are the dreded "we need to talk days", I can almost tell you what will be said. I have learned to live a life in secret. I don't tell her anything about other people I talk to. She can talk to whomever she wants to I don't mind....she says I don't care. I am not a jealous person, I can't help it. sometimes I wish she would find a boyfriend and leave me alone. Most times I love her dearly, she just drives me crazy.

I'll certainly keep you and your husband in my prayers. I think all you can do at this point is, let him know you're ready and willing to listen, when he's ready. With his job - if he doesn't have any better option, then he needs to just accept it for now - it's money and better than being broke.

Does he have a hobby or something he's always wanted to do? Encourage him to do this. Does he like fishing or hunting - tell him to go away for the weekend or you can go too. Try to find anything that will break up the routine for him. Best of luck.

How are you doing, Rhapsody?