father issues

I'm wondering if anyone can relate or give any advice or both. My ex I guess was a father figure to me...he was 5 years older...very mature...and acted like a father to me...I was 19 at the time...i admired and respected him dearly...he was my idol and hero...and I guess now when i date...I look for characteristics of him in the possibly guys. our relationship lasted a year and a half...he went off to med school...and I was ready to meet someone who saw me on a more equal playing field rather than hm being the "father figure"

He knew I saw him this way...and I think he was a little uncomfortable with it but he knew that I needed that sort of influence...I didn't think much of it at the time...but now I see...it was crucial that he be in my life,...or I could have ended up with a jerk that took advantage of my innocence...

I had another "father figure" which was my teacher in highschool....he knew I had issues at home...and it seems that he was always there for me...

my dad and mom stayed together...but my father was always distant...he never showed me love...never paid attention....just went to work came home....never got to know me...that was my mom who did that...

I didn't have attention from grandparents, or other relatives...and I wasn't close to my parents at all...I think the reason I went to my teacher was because he validated my feelings and made me realise the good things about me...that I was smart...and had all these certain things about me that made me special...to this day I can't get him out of my head...and I know that that is not normal...and I feel incomfortable about this

Some nights I cuddle with the teddy bear my ex gave me...and I look back and day dream about the times he made me feel safe and cared for...the first times I felt loved and wanted...when my parents would only yell at me and get amd at me...he was udnerstanding and lsitened to my hurts and pains and told me everything was going to be ok

when I was sick he would comfort me...or when people were bullying me at work he listened and told me I should find a different job where they accept me...my parents just told me to deal with it...and that I need the money

he made me feel like a princess and made me feel beautiful...he didn't want to meet my parents because they were jerks to me and bullied me at home...my mom wanted to meet him because he wanted to become a surgeon...and she thought that her raising me had to do something with me and meeting this wonderful guy...she asked why he would want to date someone like me

Thanks for sharing your story. From the guy perspective it seems normal that women often look for a father figure. The father figure the way its suppose to be in a perfect world, but often isn't. I agree you were lucky with your ex, he was a good choice on your part. The pain now is part of the pleasure from when you were together. Again normal, I think. Yeah its sad it didn't continue, but despite the family you describe, you now have a solid foundation of what a good, caring, loving person is like and you know you want another just like that in the future. May not help you feel better this very second, but this is all very positive.

Hello, myoasis89. You are learning and growing. Life will always be a work in process. Change is inevitable. Those who accept change and view it as a challenge to be mastered will do well.

Enjoy explorating your world and the adventures that are in store for you.

Be well. Love yourself.

Its hard to let go of the one that comforts our inner child and gives her all she never received...