[Romeo96]

So as some of may know i'm in an LDR with a girl from Alaska. I havent talked to her since Saturday. I have called her every day and left a message and she hasnt gotten back to me. I e-mailed her over a week ago, she hasnt checked it. We have different personalities. She is laid back, a little on the flakey side while I can over-analize things. Obviously she doesnt need the day to day contact like I do. I know she is busy and doesnt have the acces to communication that I do (no cell, limmited internet access) and all that but I just feel that she could have found 20 minutes in the last 5 days to send me an e-mail or somthing. I have been missrable these last few days. I have told her before that I really like to have some kind of contact with her on a day to day basis and she understood that but warned me that it may not always be possible. I accepted that. I just feel like I care more than she does. If i were in her shoes and knew that there was an e-mail waiting for me, I would be checking it as soon as I heard. Now here is my delema. How do I tell her this is how I feel? I don't want to come off as needy or anything but I can't stand feeling like this. Even talking to/getting an e-mail from her makes my day 1000% better. I don't want to push her away. What should I do??????????

[badgergirl1]

My guess would be you know the answer already, but find it difficult to accept it because it isn't the answer you want to hear. Although something could have happened to her, it is more likely she isn't that into you, and you have better things to do than bang your head against a wall trying to get her attention. There was an episode of "Six Feet Under" where Rico is really into this girl, and he calls and calls, and she never gets back to him. He thinks something terrible has happened to her, and goes to her apartment, finally, and gets the landlady to let him in. Out she comes from the other room, and when he says how worried he was, she blithely goes "I didn't respond to you because I thought you'd get the hint." LDR's are notoriously impossible anyway, unless both parties are willing to keep in touch beyond the norm or someone is willing to move. Good luck, and there are more fish in the sea who would appreciate you more than this girl is.

[Eva1nder]

Hi ... I'm in a long distance relationship ...well was (long story) still am.

Anyways, we had this problem where he didn't always just let me know that he was ok. I didn't even expect him to always spend time with me because of his busy schedule, but at the very least to let me know he was ok.

My point is when you are in a long distance relationship it is very much harder...especially to go for days with no communication what so ever.

You are not coming of needy. There needs to be compromise. If there is a problem that your having...there is simply a problem that needs to be discussed.

My boyfriend understood what I was saying and new he wasn't being fair given the situation and made efforts to try to leave messages and letting me know he was okay.

There needs to be give and take and compromise on both your parts.

Hopefully you two can just talk and be able to communicate your needs...that is essential in any relationship, but definately in a long distance one.

Good luck.

Eva

[Artist]

This is somethings i am working on. When reading this keep in mind that i am not only talking to You but also myself. in fact when reading any advice or hearing an advice i try to keep in mind that the person giving the advice is often also talking to him or herself.
This is an area of my life that Like you I need to address. I have wrestled with this for some time. Does telling someone how you feel about them make you needy? or clingy? Maybe but does it have to? This may or may not help. First get strong with in yourself. Let her know how you feel. If you are strong then your words and body language will not project needy. I have been doing this with a woman that I am very much in love with. Does she love me? No , she is guarding her heart. Could she let herself go? I think so. She needs to 'test the water" in her own way at her own pace . If she can't find those feeling for me within herself . if they are just not there .Then yes I will hurt and will be very sad. The pain will be there and i will own my pain. It is just another part of being human. No matter what I had that gift of being able to Love someone. I had all those emotions that are so real. You may love her yet it is your love. Own it! express it. Cherish it for what it is. if she also has feelings for you or at least in a place that she is open to letting those feelings flow into her heart. That's wonderful. If you can talk to her in an honest, tell her how you feel. Let her know about your your joy and your fear. Tell her from a place of straight , Not some pretend macho straight , But from a real place of inner strength. What does it matter if she is 1/2 way around the world or in the next room. if it is real then the two of you will find away to make it work. I wish you the best.

[seeker1950]

Romeo,
Either the woman is ignoring you...showing indifference to your care nd concern, or something may have happened to her (I hope not!).
I recently experienced something similar, and it is very hard to come to terms with the fact that you can be feeling so deeply while the other party shows indifference. My questions were met with resentment that I was expecting too much in "daily" contact. So, in my denial, I made all sorts of excuses for his behavior. One tends to do that, accepting lame excuses for lack of response. I was labeled "needy" for expressing love and for desiring that from him, thus, feeling seriously flawed for caring as I did.
Ask yourself if this is what you want in a relationship, long distance or otherwise. My opinion is that some woman would be thrilled to have such an attentive fellow as you.
Read the book , "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU." It can be read by men as well as women and shows what you should receive in a healthy, mutually loving relationship.
Seeker