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  #1  
Old Mar 13, 2010, 12:08 PM
LyDiaHate LyDiaHate is offline
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Location: West London
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I really really love her so so much nobody in my life means more to me <3
Nikita (my sister) came down this weekend from new york city (i live in west london) and i was in a terrible terrible mood and we fell out then she came to hospital with me to get stitches because i self harmed and as the doctor was talking to me there were tears in her eyes but she was trying not to cry and i could see that and it really really upset me because i love her so much .
I feel so guilty for being such a bad sister i was in a terrible mood i was horrible to her and she pretends she does not care but i know she does i love her so much .
I wish i was with her every day she is so far away and i dont know if she misses me as much as i miss her ..
Nikita left early because she had a huge argument with my dad Nikita comes home every mothersday weekend because our mum commited suicide when i was little and she was about 11 but this time she told my dad shes not doing it anymore because she hates my mum and him :/
i miss her so much and i feel so bad i cant stop crying. i dont know what to do ?????
I love you so much Nikita you are the most important person in my life and i miss you everyday <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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  #2  
Old Mar 13, 2010, 12:26 PM
Pain ♥ Pain ♥ is offline
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Lydia....i love you = (
  #3  
Old Mar 13, 2010, 01:31 PM
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NuckingFutz NuckingFutz is offline
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I know how hard it can be when you loose your mom to suicide (my bio mom). And you have an older sister whom you share a strong bond with. I remember my sister coming to see me when I was first diagnosed with major depression and my older sister crying while in the hospital not understanding (yet) why. Her being angry with your mom (because she took her own life and abandon you and or caused the SI somehow. You will learn how to heal without cutting. Let your sister cope with her feelings in her own way. That bond will never fade. I know it is really hard right now for the both of you but hang in there. This too shall pass. Not many share our unique life circumstance and I really felt the emotions in your post. Feel free to pm me anytime.
Thanks for this!
LyDiaHate
  #4  
Old Mar 13, 2010, 02:29 PM
LyDiaHate LyDiaHate is offline
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Location: West London
Posts: 51
Hey
My mum commited suicide a long time ago but it does still effect me a lot.....but
I was posting this more because i miss my sister (nikita) and i felt so bad and i could not stop crying .
I really really love her <3 <3
and i dont think she knows how much.
I Have been such a selfish sister and i am never going to be again = )
  #5  
Old Mar 13, 2010, 03:46 PM
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NuckingFutz NuckingFutz is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2005
Location: Las Vegas, NV
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I think things will work out. My sister lives far away so I have learned to carry her love in my heart. Maybe doing the same can help you. Hang in there! Safe hugs.
  #6  
Old Mar 14, 2010, 05:07 PM
desperate&disturbed desperate&disturbed is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2010
Location: new york
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nikita is lucky to have a sister who cares as much about her as you do!
i know how you feel, my sister is the first person i have told that i cut myself.
if you ever need to talk please pm, i hope you feel better
__________________
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I wanna find something ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong?

he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof...vamoose you sob

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate,

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? i can really use a wish right now.

i'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
Thanks for this!
LyDiaHate
  #7  
Old Mar 14, 2010, 09:12 PM
Anonymous81711
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You are NOT a bad sister.

You are a sister who is sometimes struggling to deal with her mental health. That doesn't make you any worse than someone dealing with any other disease or illness. Think if you had epilepsy - your sister would be sad to see you have a seizure just the same I am sure. However, that wouldnt make you bad - just someone with an illness.

Hugs!
Thanks for this!
LyDiaHate
  #8  
Old Mar 15, 2010, 04:39 AM
TheByzantine
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May you find peace, LyDiaHate.
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