[youOme]

I'm 24 and already have two kids, I'm now pregnant with my third. My boyfriend is 21, and this is his second. Although he has experienced more then the typical 21 year old (marriage and family, divorce), he's immature. We worry about completely different things. His first child, with his ex wife, has been mostly taken care of by his mom. He's never really cared for her on his own. I don't think he fully understands what it's going to take to care for a baby. When I got pregnant and found out, I freaked out. I was nervous and worried about our situation and how we're not remotely prepared to take care of a baby.... him, he was happy. He didn't even consider what we're going to have to endure. It's not that he's in the wrong for being happy, I just think he's in denial about how difficult it's going to be, and that's apart of his immaturity.

I think deep down I fear he will grow up and realize he made a mistake and that he'd rather be young a free, rather then tied down to another woman and child. He's never been ableto expeirence being young because he had a baby when he was 15 and married when he was 16. Then I came along. Ever since I've gotten pregnant I've been terrified that he will abonden me. When I was pregnant with my first two children, by my ex, who's much older...those thoughts never crossed my mind.

Am I being insecure and irrational or does it make sense?

[perpetuallysad]

I think what you are saying completely makes sense. But I can understand how this situation would definitely make you feel insecure. Does your boyfriend have a job? Does he pay support for his first child? How far along is your pregnancy? Has he done anything "responsible" to begin to prepare for this new baby? I guess those are the things I would look at and see what is going on. If he's done these things above, I'd say you are probably just scared (I completely understand that feeling!), if he hasn't your fear may be grounded in reality. Luckily though, you have your pregnant time to help him figure out how to be a grown up, so maybe things will work out well for you guys?

Get his name on the birth certificate. If he will not help support his child, go to court to establish paternity and have the judge determine his support obligation, visitation and his responsibility to provide health insurance coverage. If he gets in arrears, get assistance and assign your right to recover from the father to the assistance provider.

This guy has no clue about being a responsible father. It is up to you and you owe it to your child to make sure the father knows there are consequences for being a deadbeat.

[Rhapsody]

Everything you are worrying about is normal and understandable... you are both young and have a baby on the way and while it may be hard at times I believe you can make it work with or with him... but I am placing hope on you both.

[englishteacher]

I know how that feels. I don't think you are being any more irrational or insecure than any other woman would be in your situation. Since you already have 2 kids, you know what to expect and how to take care of a baby. Even though your bf has a child, it doesn't sound like he has been very active in parenting the child. Still, at 15 it's awfully difficult to be a parent. However, if he's happy and excited about the baby, that seems like a good sign. Maybe he's ready to be a dad this time...

I was 22 and my husband was 19 when my first child was born. Both of us were scared and excited, but he was awfully immature (okay, so was I). Neither of us knew how to be parents, but we learned. Maybe your boyfriend will learn too.

Hang in there and keep us posted.

[salukigirl]

Why is being happy about a child immature? I hate to say it, but if you are older than him and knew the risks of having sex then you both entered into it then you're both immature on that level. How can you call him immature for being happy about a kid when you knowingly had sex with him and got pregnant? Sorry, just my opinion.

[50guy]

I was 17 when my 1st child was born, my wife was 19. Tell me about immature.......that was 37 years ago, we're still together.