[ChipmunkGal]

Hello friends, I've been quiet for a while but I'm back with a new dilemna. This is going to sound ridiculous but I dont know who else to talk to about this. I've recently started to date a new man (I was engaged previously and broke up recently). Anyway, this is going to sound crazy but....I don't even think this new guy is even into me. It seems he could care less whether he talks to me or sees me. It's only been a few weeks but at first he was ALL about me and the past week he doesn't even initiate contact. In his defense, I know he has recently shared with me that he is becoming depressed again (he as PTSD from being in Iraq). In my defense, I'm pretty sure that he recently had a one night stand with another woman (which may explain why he is distant). I approached him about it and he has denied it. I don't know what to do. I'm not used to someone being so distant....shouldn't he be thrilled to see me?

[salukigirl]

Have you ever seen the movie He's Just Not That Into You? Maybe he's just not that into you? Nothing against you or him. Just some people don't click? Same yourself some heartache and find a guy that IS thrilled to see you.

Hello, ChipmunkGal. This guy may be too busy reliving the fighting. In a way you are fortunate since you have not a lot of time and emotion invested.

[Elana05]

Hi ChippyGal,

I think the fact that you mention he has (or might have) PTSD or depression states a lot. People who are depressed often don't act rationally. So he could even be in to you on some level... but the depression always takes center stage. Like Byzantine wrote, his brain might still be on Iraq as well as any trauma he has suffered there. Since you have been here (on this site) before it sounds like you have had some tough going in your own life. Maybe now wouldn't be the best time to pick it up with a guy who is suffering in this way? My advice would be to tell him you enjoyed the time you spent together and that you are experiencing him being distant. Then you might say you are worried about his depression, and mention there are resources he can use whenever he is ready. Public Television ran an good series called "This Emotional Life," that had a part on PTSD:

Then I would try and move on. It know it's not easy, but it sounds like you have enough to deal with already in your own life. Since you broke up recently... maybe just some alone time or time with friends? Therapy has been very helpful to me when I have been lonely and/or hurting. It's like having someone on your side. Hugs.

[ChipmunkGal]

Thanks guys <3

[Envision]

Define recently? Maybe not the case with you, but people who just get out of one relationship/engagement/marriage and wonder why they don't see fireworks with the first person they go out with are only hurting themselves and others. A PhD in psychology is not needed to figure that out, I know because I figured it out. What's wrong with taking a year off from dating, rediscovering the new you, and it will be a different you, and go slow? Have we not all at one time dated someone who just got out of a relationship? They stand out like a neon sign. We look the same way when we do that also. Despite the intense feelings to want to be with someone and to stop the hurt from before, we fail to give ourselves credit by trying to find ways to make this "new" relationship work, when we shouldn't even be in it in the first place. Sometimes just not being in a relationship is the answer.