[aria83]

I met my boyfriend of 7 months through a dating site. The other day he told me that a month ago, he briefly spoke with a woman on that dating site about cars (He really likes cars and knows a lot about them). I was upset about this. He said that they only talked about cars and when she got into other things with him he did not respond. I told him I was upset and that I wanted him to delete his account (he hadn't deleted it b4 because he didn't know how). So he found out how to and then deleted it. I tried to get over it but I guess I'm still thinking about it. Why did he do that? It's a dating site. He said it was innocent, but if he saw that someone sent him a message, why would he even look at it? Insight and advice appreciated in advance..

[Envision]

The two things that come to mind right away is what if any agreement did you and your boyfriend have at that time and is there anything else that is now making you question his actions, like a gut feeling?

[aria83]

we were and always have been in a committed monogamous relationship. I don't think I have enough info to give me a gut feeling. It's weird because usually he's very honest with me. He said he's not interested in someone who is interested in cars like he is. But why would he go to the site? we did have a fight about a month ago but made up the same day. he was a little cool towards me the next few days..

I am nervous to bring it up to him because I have self esteem issues which make me seem really insecure when I am stressed. a few days ago I kept asking him if he "Really" wanted to be with me..he got annoyed and pulled away. the next day we were talking about honesty and caring about someone in a relationship. that's when he told me about the car girl and the dating site. he said he was not interested in her. and that someone else sent him something too but he didn't even respond.

I wonder if maybe he was trying to make me realize that he cares about me. by telling me about the car girl. I also wonder if I need to back off a little from seeing him so much. Maybe I need to just cool off and work on my ow issues. but I still wonder about why he even went on the site...

[ruffy]

Hi Aria,
I would have been upset too, if a boyfriend of mine confessed to talking with another woman on an internet dating service and I dont have self esteem issues. You have every right to question him on it. Nothing wrong with you wanting to know where you stand with him. Knowing now that he upset you, I hope he apologized all over the place...I know I would if I knew I upset someone I care deeply about.

[Envision]

7 months is not a long time to really get to know someone, I mean really get to know someone. I doubt either of you know everything about the other, just not possible, we are all too complex. You being nervous to bring this up to him also tells me that the communication between you two maybe isn't as good as it should be. Why did he all the sudden decide to tell you, any idea? He didn't know how to delete his dating account? Ok, let's assume thats true, he obviously was still going to the site 6 months into a relationship with you. A dating site. I hope this was just a simple mistake on his part. Working on your issues and putting your priorities in order first, then figuring out where he fits into your plan would be my input.

[aria83]

Thanks Ruffy.

Envision, He told me because we were talking about honesty in our relationship.

We communicate pretty well, but I noticed he doesn't like it when I tell him about something he does that bothers or upsets me. So I feel uncomfortable telling him things. He is usually a pretty good listener. And supports me. Maybe I should talk with a professional about this..I'm not sure how easy it will be to put my whole relationship on the internet and also explain everything to a stranger. Thank you guys...

[aria83]

*****UPDATE*****

We talked about it! He said it was a stupid mistake and that he was never interested in talking to anyone on there. and he deleted his profile and I mine. I believe him that it was innocent. (And I also agree it was stupid, but a mistake) He also apologized a lot. We had a talk about how it kind of diminished my trust in him a little. But I feel better that we talked and he said all these good things.

Hope it works out for you, aria83.