[adviceplease]

My fiance told me about this girl he found on Facebook after not seeing her for almost 25 years when his family moved away. He was 10 yrs old at the time and says that he missed her dearly. When eventually life moved on for both of them until recently when he tracked her down on Facebook. She hasn't had the best life in the town they are from so he obviously felt bad for her.

Well he left his Facebook page open and I went to sit down at the computer and saw the subject line of an email they had sent to one another. Reconnecting with an old friend had certainly morphed into a full blown "what could have been for the two of them" and "feelings from when he was a kid came flooding back". I left the page open for him and decided to leave the house to get some air. He realizes that he got busted, and is adamant that they put a stop to the "relationship" that afternoon before I found the messages. He of course deleted all forms of communication they had with one another through email/text msgs. He has admitted to the mistake and says he doesn't know how/why things got out of hand.

We are supposed to marry in less than three months and I now wonder if they hadn't of been caught could it have turned into something physical. Sharing feelings and discussing the possibility of them sharing a life together while being engaged to another woman is disturbing to me. How can feelings from when you were 10 yrs old be rehashed to a grown adult??? I showed me a text to her asking if she can verify the msg he sent to her that afternoon telling her he was "done" and wanted to go ahead with his marriage.

What are your thoughts? Can he be trusted? Or should I walk away?

[ruffy]

This is a tough one and Im a woman who has never been able to understand the mind of a man. I have heard similar stories to yours. Perhaps one of the wise men on this site can enlighten us. I wish you all the best!! Hugs and kisses

[AAAAA]

That fantasy love that never was is perfect. I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone that doesn’t have that person in their life that they wonder what if…

My husband’s “what if” is named Lilly, we haven’t seen her since I was 12 and they were 14. Even then she was absolutely beautiful, jet black hair, ice blue eyes and one of the sweetest kindest people I’ve ever met. Heck, I wonder what happened to her.

You’re about to be married, it’s a stressful time. I time to reflect upon the past and the future. One would think that you’d have these reflections before asking someone to marry you, but that’s not human nature. Milestones in life bring many thoughts into your mind.

I’d talk to him about it.

From what I have read, more men than women cheat on their spouses but the gap is narrowing. By some estimates almost 50% of the men cheat and over 40% of the women now do. What relevance does cheating spouses have to do with the present discussion?

My point is simple, it seems there will be a time in a relationship when one or both spouses will find there way into the arms of another.

[salukigirl]

It seems like the situation is a classic case of cold feet to me. HE tracked HER down about 3 months before marriage? Feelings of love from when they were 10? Give me a break. I couldn't tell you more than maybe 5 people I had a crush on when I was 10. It sounds like he got scared. Started thinking about this girl and emailed her. And the fact that he hasn't seen her in over 2 decades leaves more room to the imagination than an ex he hasn't seen for maybe 5 years. He can put her up on a pedestal because he has absolutely no idea what she is like now.

I really wouldn't worry unless he tries to lie about it. If he went and cut off communication and you can verify that and he genuinely seems upset that he hurt you then I would chalk it up to being afraid to get married. When my bf wanted to move in with me all of a sudden every guy could be the guy of my dreams. Just commitment is extremely scary.

Go to him and let him know that you understand if he has second thoughts or weird feelings about entering into a lifelong commitment. Ask him what is REALLY going on and try not to sound like you're accusing him. If he opens up to you and talks about it, I'd say you have nothing to worry about.

[Belle1979]

Byz you are probably right but what a horrible think to think happens in almost every relationship!