[salukigirl]

At first I really liked her. Other girls he has dated it was purely based on looks and they usually turned out to be horrible to him. My brother is almost 30 and this girl is a year older than I am (I am 22). Which, I realize that 7 years really isnt that much....she acts like an 18 year old. Sometimes I forget that she is technically older than me.

And my brother is a very intellectual person. Very philosophical and likes to have deep, intense conversations sometimes. She just doesn't. He has called me and said that he had to call just to have a serious conversation with me because all he ever gets from her is giggling bubbly-ness(if that's a word).

I feel like they are just so wrong for each other. My brother is very logical, very grounded. If he wants to do something (like move to L.A.) he just up and does it. Whereas she is more of a dreamer. Has all these idealistic ideas and is a total dreamer but never follows through.

The other day she told me that people who work at a shelter have a 'God complex' and that it would be better to vaccinate them and spay them and then just release them. I attempted to have a serious conversation with her (I have worked at a shelter for about 4 years) and all she did was joke. When I asked how would they get the money to pay for all that without having an adoption fees and she made some joke about the presidential budget. And I feel like she is one of those people who say these things to SOUND intelligent but can't back anything up.

You know the people who want to seem like this deep intellectual who is all into politics and current issues but really do it as a facade? I'm sure everyone has met someone fake like this; well that's how she is. They have already broken up a couple times and she has asked him to move in with her even though he has said no. I'm just getting really annoyed with this girl and he is too but wont break it off..........How do I convince him to just listen to himself and end it?

[Belle1979]

Sometimes it's easier to have a 'dim' partner who doesn't challenge intelligence but after a while I think it would become boring and then it will end.
You can't really force the issue, it's a realization he has to come to himself imo.

[Tatyana2009]

His life. His decisions. All you can do is offer him a listening ear and be there for him. Whom he dates is up to him. Not to you. And some times partners can give us something we need which no one else can see and understand.

[perpetuallysad]

First off, I'm glad to see you around again. I've missed hearing from you.

Now, of course, I'm probably going to annoy you. I know that because he's your brother and you know him well, you can assume you know what would be the best fit for him as a partner. But even if he is annoyed with her, you cannot take it on yourself to convince him of anything. Me and my husband are totally and completely polar opposites. I mean in EVERYTHING we are opposites. The only thing we really have in common is music and that we are both kind of nerdy intellectuals. Anyway, I know that there are people who think we are a bad mix, but they just don't know it from our side...

I don't know. I just think you should be careful about getting into their relationship.

[Sameera]

I have to agree with perpetuallysad on this one.

While I could go on about how it isn't likely to work out if they are really that different that doesn't mean that it won't. There are certainly enough people who can stand as examples of having very good relationships when it seems they have nothing in common.

Truth is that even if she "seemed" like a perfect match there are no guarantees. Love is a tricky business and you really can't ever be sure how things will turn out until you try. It might work, it might not, there really is only one way to know for sure.

As far as my advice to you, be there for your brother. I am sure you know that already and are doing just that. Really though, that is all you can do with these things. Be there and hope that he is happy, hope that things turn out well. If they do not then help him through the difficult time, if they do than stand next to him and share his happiness.

Hubby has an IQ of 158 while I am a 'dim' person (not sure I like being called dim but hey).

Been married for eight years and can't say it has been an issue.

Your brother is learning. Maybe some assertiveness. Maybe some tolerance. Whatever he is learning from this relationship is his choice.

[salukigirl]

Thanks guys. I think he already does know it but just hasnt realized what he is saying when he calls. From listening to him he is pretty much saying he doesnt think it will go anywhere but maybe he just doesnt want to be alone right now?

Anyone else I would just stay out and not even bother but we have a relationship where we just flat out tell each other that. If I call him about a problem with my current boyfriend he will flat out say "you are just being a jerk and need to chill out" or "you need to break it off" lol. Out of everyone in my family I would say that I am closest with him so he has called me asking what I think about the situation. Im not just trying to butt in, this was from him asking me what to do. And I just dont know how to give my opinion without being insulting or anything. He has even said "yeah we have a good time together but you can have a good time with just about anybody. I need more than just a good time" so he is borderline breaking it off already and I think he is calling me because he knows I will say to end it and thats what he wants to hear - maybe to justify it to himself?

[Sameera]

If he is honestly asking your opinion than give him your honest opinion.

As a friend, sibling, spouse or any other close person to someone you don't always get to say the easy things. You say the things that need to be said because you care.

This is true in pretty much all close relationships, it isn't fun but sometimes it is what is best.

it's good to see you back salukigirl. it sounds like he's wanting you to tell him what you really think. you don't have to be rude but can just say something like "i don't think she's the best match for you. you might need someone a bit more intellectual" or something to that effect.

i have to say i laughed when you described her views on the shelter and then said you thought she was trying to be intellectual. i thought for sure you were going to say she was trying to be entertaining or just provocative!

[NuckingFutz]

Entertaining was the word that came to mind. "Presidential Budget"...would not have been able to keep a straight face. No matter, your brother is going through the learning process and you are already there for him. Just continue to be there for him and let time handle the rest (this is something that I am relearning how to do in my own life at the moment). Until then, just see her as a really bad comedian and maybe she will appear less annoying. Good to see you on here again! Have to go now, seems there is a Presidential Address on the funding of America's homeless animal population. Bahahaha! Joke- slightly manic symtoms are in my mental health forcast. In anycase, good luck to you and to your brother.