[mnp109]

My wife is the second of four children and I think she has an extreme case of middle child syndrome. This is causing her to make decisions that I don't agree with but don't want to push her away from me.

She had had issues with here family for a long time before we even met, but recently it came to a head and she is changing her phone number/email to avoid contact with them. I have always had a good relationship with them, but she wants me to ignore their calls and delete their emails when they come in.

I've always had a great relationship with my family and this is very uncomfortable for me and feel that there are very few situations that you should completely cut family out of your life. I don't know if i should just go along with her decision or not, after all, it is not my family she has any issues with. She cut off contact with her family without warning, should i at least disreetly let them know what is going on?

major issues she has with them (many more, this is just what is off the top of my head....imo extreme middle child syndrome):

-In college, she was hospitalized an hour away, they didn't come to visit.

-They planned a trip to visit distant family, and "forgot" to invite her.

- Visited relatives near us, we asked them to come up to our house so they could see it for the first time and we would make dinner.....Going to an amusement park was more important to them....but we could come to their house for dinner.

- Invited brother to stay with us on a visit. Instead made arrangements to stay with another relatives, after expressing displeasure, relented and said he would stay with us 1 night out of the whole trip...she declined this offer.

How would you handle the issues your wife has with her family?

[mnp109]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

How would you handle the issues your wife has with her family?

If it was me in her shoes? I would probably stop expecting anything from them and maybe stop attending their events, but I don't think I could ever just stop talking them completely via phone or email.

[bachir]

you know i can relate with your wife a lot. i too was a middle child at least most of my youth until my little sister passed away when i was 13. i have experienced some of the things your wife has been experiencing, and suffice it to say for the one going through it it is simply a horrifying thing to go through. it's terribly painful to accept these things as well. it sounds as though this is how she's choosing to accept and how she is choosing to deal with it.

it appears that now more than ever she could use your encouragement and support, and it's encouraging to hear that you want to stick with her. i strongly encourage you to do this. by no means am i saying that you have to agree or condone her choice. you have your opinion as well about the situation, and this is also important. i would suggest maybe sitting down and expressing with her that although you can see, maybe not totally understand, but that you can at least see why she is doing what she's doing. but ask her to please remember that you don't neccessarily agree with it, but maybe that you will support and encourage her with her decision. not everyone has to agree with everyone on everything. it's a quality that makes us each different. hopefully both feelings and opinions in the situation can be respected by all concerned.

best wishes...take care

hmm didn't know there was such a thing as middle child syndrome. As the middle of three, perhaps I should look it up! Anyhow, as someone who has had occasion to interrupt relations with my family, I would suggest that you let your wife do what she needs to do. As you say, it is not your family. I would imagine what she needs from you at a time like this is loyalty...Going behind her back to explain things would be a very bad idea. IMO

[jenkins09]

Support your wife. It sounds like she has some pretty valid reasons for feeling the way she does. I would suspect this goes deeper then just having "middle-child syndrome."

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by jenkins09

Support your wife. It sounds like she has some pretty valid reasons for feeling the way she does. I would suspect this goes deeper then just having "middle-child syndrome."

I agree with Jenkins here. Middle child syndrome IMO is something that tends to resolve upon maturation/adulthood. Yes, she could be a bit jealous, but it sounds like the way her family treats her has more to do with it than anything.

I suggest supporting her and staying out of it otherwise. If she finds you emailing her family, she may feel very betrayed by you and right now it seems she needs your support.

This isn't forever. In a few weeks this could blow over...or it could take a few years. Maybe it will never blow over? But I too think there is something deeper going on here and if you can just be with your wife and offer her your ear and your shoulder and your trust and respect, she may start to offer you more info.

Good for you for seeking support with this though. It is more than some husbands would do.