[Myzen]

Hi folks,

One, all time, personality problem I have is 'pretending to be interested' in other people's own interests. This has got me into so much hot water over the years! I am so polite in 3d that people think that I really am interested and then I have to go through all sorts of 'soap opera stuff' to get out of it.

Here is a funny story. A couple of years ago, this tendency of mine got me into going on holiday with a female friend, to the South of France, and spending money that I couldn't afford on posh restaurant meals that I didn't want!

I mean, how unassertive is that! We finally hit the rocks on the way to the airport to fly home, when my friend wanted a last restaurant meal and there just wasn't time before the flight. I did manage to put my foot down at that point, and drove on to the airport.

After that holiday I did see my friend again, going to restaurants with her of course, but gradually I stopped returning her calls and now I've managed to cool it completely.

This is the funny thing - My friend never knew I had panic disorder and that one of my worst triggers is eating in posh restaurants, and yet I had been dragging around France doing exactly that with her!

Reading my post, I must be the most unassertive man on the face of the planet. It beggars's belief. I mean, I liked my friend, and there was no romantic thing going on, but by being overpolite I soured myself off the friendship.

I've done this so many times with so many people, and I am just relieved when it's over. How pathetic is that!

Gosh, I enjoyed getting that off my chest.

Cheers, Myzen

[Junerain]

I always pretend to be interested in the conversation- I hate when they talk about their pet that's the worst. But I enjoy drama, so I go,"Do tell me its name!!" "What kind of dog!!" Sometimes pretending you're interested lends the conversation to continue until it reaches a different subject. I do anything to try to make the conversation dramatic, cause i'm a drama queen.

[kimmydawn]

myzen, how i can so relate! ppl tend to wear me out easily as there's so much going on internally. could it be the same with you. they just wear you out because your resources are already so limited? i've learned that pattern. just everyday normal relationships with friends, etc., can be too much. i used to give of myself to everyone around me when i couldn't. i cost me dearly. now, i give to those i can. sadly, i have very few ppl other than my family and t...but, i'll do that later. right now i don't have anything to give to anyone else IRL...too many expectations of relationships that i can't carry my end with.

thank you for the post. i don't feel so alone.

kd

[Myzen]

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kimmydawn said:
myzen, how i can so relate! ppl tend to wear me out easily as there's so much going on internally. could it be the same with you. they just wear you out because your resources are already so limited? i've learned that pattern. just everyday normal relationships with friends, etc., can be too much. i used to give of myself to everyone around me when i couldn't. i cost me dearly. now, i give to those i can. sadly, i have very few ppl other than my family and t...but, i'll do that later. right now i don't have anything to give to anyone else IRL...too many expectations of relationships that i can't carry my end with.

thank you for the post. i don't feel so alone.

kd

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Kimmy,

Yes, that's the dynamic - we don't have the energy in us to deal with other people's expectations or to hold our own with them, so we prefer not to bother.

I agree with everything you said, especially that sharing here at PC helps us to feel less alone with our illness. I try to remember that 'healthy' people live in an easier world than we do, and we don't have to compete on their terms, although sometimes we still try to of course.

Good thoughts, M

[seeker1950]

Myzen!
You gave me a real laugh out loud....what a storyteller you are!
Over the years I've stopped being so accommodating and unassertive in most situations.
Seeker