[lonely1]

I feel so alone and would like to tell my story and have some input from others.
My story begins: I have been married for 15 years and have a 12-year old son and 9-year old daughter. There have been some problems in the past with my husband. First i have to tell you that he has done a few things in the past to my best friend and my sister, but I never knew that he would do these things to strangers. Jack was arrested in April for battery, 2 counts. Two women pressed charges on him for touching them on the butt with his hand, or maybe he rubbed against them with his body-Im not exactly sure what the accusations were. I understand that there was also a third women but she could not postively identify him.
A detective came to our door and asked if Jack were here and i said no he was at work- i was afraid to ask questions, partly because Jack is a marijuana user and has spent time in jail for distributing marijuana in the first years of our marriage, and also I guess my women's intuition told me that this was something about a woman, i dont know but i didnt ask. I called Jack on his cell phone and asked him if he knew why a detective would be looking for him and he said no but would go see what was going on at the police station. He called me back a few minutes later and said that they told him they didnt need to talk to him at that time. I again questioned if he had heard anything else from them about a week later and he said no.
Okay on April 21, 2005 he came home telling me that this guy that owed him money had pressed charges on him for shoving him in the post office. I told him that he should know better than to do that and was upset about it. Well we had been at my daughter's ball game and came home when i received a phone call from an anonymous female telling me that Jack had been arrested and arraigned that day for molesting two women. He got on the other phone and she hung up. I knew that this was the truth and not that he shoved someone. One of the women worked with and knew my sister and Jack's step-dad and apparently she had talked to them about it and they had known this for a whole week and neither told either me or jacks mother. Well after i got this phone call i went nuts sort of and told him to get out and all. We were separated for a month or so and he cried and begged me to let him come home. He had been to a psychologist and had also been to psychiatrist and was started on med-Zoloft. I learned that this is a sexual disorder, Paraphilia-Frotteurism and he has OCD. He did have an awful childhood with his father being a drunk and his mother left them with him. I have realized that he emotionally abused and sexually abused me also. I wouldve never beleived that Jack was doing these things as he was never a womanizing type actually, but have to accept the fact that he did. He spent two days in jail and still has fines to pay. I let him come home partly because i felt sorry for him and Im not a big believer in divorce, and because I love him. However he still doesn't discuss what happened. Its like he wants to forget it and go on with life as normal, but I cant seem to do that and just get over it. Since he has come home I seem to have no feelings at all much. I also am on Zoloft. I dont understand how i will ever be able to trust him again. Everytime he is out i wonder, everytime we go into a store or public place and he leaves me i wonder if he is doing this again. I wonder if i shouldve went through with divorce. I have no interest in our home, or our relationship. I miss my emotions, happiness, sadness, etc.
I have recently went back to work from home, but had to go work in the office while another transcriptionist was off on vacation. My husband calls every day at quitting time saying I thought you would already be gone, its after 4:30....Yesterday we argued over the dress I was wearing, which there was nothing wrong with-i have worn it to church before-its like a tank top. I dont understand why he always seems to make me feel bad about myself......

If anyone has any input please let me know.

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i'm sorry that you're going through this right now, or any other time.

get thyself to a therapist asap. this man is ill. and the denial that he's in isn't going to help you at all. the fact that he did something to your sister and best friend,and now he's been caught again, means you cannot trust him.

please take care of yourself and your children, first. he is very, very ill and i'm afraid will take you down with him. i know this may sound harsh, but i don't see any way around what he's doing. he's probably done it before, and no one pressed charges.

good luck, pat

Hi Imscared,

So sorry to hear about the problems with your husband. Fayer has given you the best advice possible, but I would like to just add one thing.
You say your husband says things to make you feel bad! Only 'you' can make yourself feel bad. What he says are only 'his' suggestions. I'm sure what he says hurts, but by rejecting his words, and reassuring your own confidence may help you with your feelings. Words hurt, especially from someone you love, but try to defend yourself emotionally.
Hope things turn out well for the both of you!

Sincerely,

SongBird

glad you brought that up, songbird. i had overlooked answering it. you're totally right. and i also think this....why take someone's word, who has cheated and lied to you? bullhockey!!

[lonely1]

I have very low self-esteem. I always worry about what others think. I did tell him that it was BS, but still worry about it in my mind. Im weak i suppose. Any other woman would have left him without a thought....thanks for your replies.

[seeker1950]

Low self-esteem...Yes, I can identify, but just one incident you have described...like shoving someone in the post office, would be enough for me to say ByeBye to him.
Get away.
Seeker