[AmadeusApple]

I have developed the weirdest issue of being incredibly distant from my husband (well, fiancé, but here in Utah... yeah, it's easier to say you're living with your husband than a fiancé).

I've become incredibly distant and rarely want to cuddle (we used to be cuddlers, he still tries... but there are times that I'll just feel like I'm being suffocated).

I have a hard time understanding because I love him, he's my world... and I really think God sent him... because no sane person would put up with the bipolar episodes I've been having... and I realize it, I've subconsciously tried to push him away countless times to save him from having to deal with me.
He's put up with so many mood swings, it's just not right.

When it gets to the point that your mother asks, "Does Caleb know you love your cats more than him?"... yeah, that's not a good thing to hear. It isn't true, of course, I just have what feels like a safer love with my kitties, because they're animals... an animal will rarely stop being devoted to you if you treat them right.

I'm really confused by my own behavior.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by AmadeusApple

I just have what feels like a safer love with my kitties, because they're animals... an animal will rarely stop being devoted to you if you treat them right.

I'm really confused by my own behavior.

I think your answer is right here. You are afraid that he will leave you. As you get closer to marriage, the last big step... you are getting closer to risking even more trust that he won't leave than you need right now in the fiance stage.

I mean really, how much do you have to trust a guy to never leave you to go on a first date with him? None, right? How about going steady, if they still do that anywhere. You're going to need a little trust now, it'll be a little embarressing if he leaves you after he asked you to go steady - you thought it was serious. Then he asks you to marry him - major trust now...but actually saying "I do" requires the most trust.

You're getting closer to the relationship final exam and it's natural to have some stress even if it's your favorite class.

Hello, AmadeusApple. Is there something in your past that would explain the incongruity? You seem to have a fear of abandonment.

[AmadeusApple]

Yeah, that makes sense.
Oddly enough, I'm the one that took most of those steps (after finally accepting his persistent behavior and going out with him), I'm the one that first brought up marriage.

Perhaps that's a little hasty considering how difficult I find it trust?

I am worried that he'll leave me, and I honestly don't understand why he hasn't. Most people would have, I'd think. Now that we're living together, he receives the brunt of my bipolar issues... moreso than my parents. I don't understand him putting up with it.
But then again, I guess I put up with his addiction to gaming (he does so pretty much all the time).

[AmadeusApple]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, AmadeusApple. Is there something in your past that would explain the incongruity? You seem to have a fear of abandonment.

You know, I'm not completely sure if there is.
My parents have been good to me.
I'm the one that broke up with my only other boyfriend.

I guess it might stem back to school, the "friends" that would turn on me as soon as the winds shifted to where they should.
Backstabbing biting... *mutter*

But when it comes to romantic relationships, there's really nothing to explain the issue.
I suppose that "friendships" would effect (affect? I hate those words) your stability in relationships as well.

I hope you get this figured out, AmadeusApple.

[AmadeusApple]

Thank you. ^_^
It's mind boggling to me that years later the bullying still has such a huge effect on me.

[spider__]

There are probably lots of possible deep psychological reasons why this is happening, but you know I really wonder if you do feel romantic love for your fiancé. What you have said is to describe how much he cares for you and what he puts up with. You also say you love him, but are you attracted to him?

Lack of attraction can be temporary and due to moods and so on, so don't assume that because I ask that question it must mean you aren't physically attracted to him any longer. It's just something to consider. Just because we care for someone and they love us a lot doesn't mean we feel that physical attraction and want to express that love sexually. You are clearly not demonstrating your love for him even if you do feel it. What stops you? How do you feel when he wants your affection? You say you feel suffocated. You need to pay attention to what your body is telling you at the time.

Finally, if you are bipolar are you taking medication? Some medications can reduce sex drive and ability to enjoy sexual pleasure. If this is happening it could account for why you can't respond to his affection and just feel overwhelmed by it. Talking to your doctor about other meds might help.

[AmadeusApple]

I hadn't thought to talk to my doctor, that sounds like a good idea.

I can see it being related to sexual drive, lately I haven't been attracted to ANYONE.
When I say anyone, I mean even Johnny Depp.

Honestly, it's a bit worrisome for me because I've always been on the other side of the spectrum, too much instead of none.

Good luck, Jennifer.