[bachir]

the title really says it all for me. then again maybe not. i'm suppose to meet with my t here in about four hours, and i don't feel like going. i need to meet with someone for sure, but i'm not sure i want to meet with her.

i had actually been doing very very well for a while there. all sorts of things had changed for the better. i was genuinely happy for the first time ever in my life. then the issue of the "little me" came back up. my t and i have only taken this issue up once before, and the time we spent on it was remarkably brief. i'm talking like i think one visit maybe two. anyways, i let the whole thing go then.

about a month ago or so now it has come to the surface again. when i mentioned this to my t i got this sense of "not again" kind of thing from her. a few weeks back i had something happen, and it had brought up something from when i was little. i did mention it was very very dark. she was trying to help me get grounded at the time which was probably more important than addressing the dark issue, but i guess i would of thought maybe she could of said something like "maybe we can take that up the next time we meet" or something of that nature. instead it was totally passed over.

ever since the "little me" thing has come up my life has changed dramatically. i can barely leave my house. i struggle immensely those times that i do leave. my thoughts and emotions have been going crazy, and i'm struggling so much more it's sickening. yet i feel like if i am to take this up with her it's simply going to be glazed over or i'm going to get the same response i got last time i brought it up.

i struggle to communicate. so maybe it's just me and not getting across what i really need to, but on the other hand for what i have brought up feels less than validated. i don't exactly want to say that to her, as times before when i've tried to convey how i felt her reactions were i felt she became more defessive or something like that.

i'm just not feeling so much like she really cares. i know she hears me, but i'm not convinced she's really listening. i don't have the option of asking for another t. i had asked once before to change t's (it was the only time i've ever asked) and when i did they said they would honor it that time, but i wasn't allowed to ask that again. btw i'm court ordered to go to this mental health center.

if i don't go today then i won't be able to meet with her for at least another two weeks. more realistically it would be about three weeks. i'm just not sure what to do or how to handle this. i guess i'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions?

thanks for taking the time to read my rant here. sorry

[RomanSunburn]

Hey Somewhere,

Did you end up going to your appointment? How did it go? Did you get to discuss the things you mentioned that are concerning you?

I forget how long you've been with this T; if it's been a long amount of time, maybe the people who determine who you get to see would be willing to consider letting you get a new T? Perhaps you can explain to them that she is not helping you, and maybe there is someone else at the center you can see? Perhaps your current T could even write them a letter saying you need to see someone new?

Good luck! Let us know how it went!
Ro

[bachir]

thanks for taking the time to read this roman. i did end up going, and it turned out much better than i expected it would. issues i had with taking things up with her were resolved, and in fact i think with the little i did share with her yesterday even brought a tear to her eye. she is a good t. this is why she's so popular there at the center. typically we can't meet but every two to three weeks because of her being so busy. yesterday though she scheduled me next tues during her lunch time. i did not express to her my feelings that i shared here, but she apologized if she has ever made me feel like what was on my heart or mind wasn't important.

she is really reaching out to help every way she can right now. i'm not currently on any meds or anything so the last time i met with my dr he didn't reschedule a time with me, but he did leave the door open if i need to see him again. she does feel it would be useful for me to see him. at first she just told me to set up a time, but she changed her mind and told me not to worry about it. she helped me set up a time with him, and she is going to talk to him about her concerns. this was incredibly helpful right now as well.

she told me that i am suffering from complex ptsd right now. there was more covered but i won't bore anyone anymore with all that. it just went well. better than i expected or could of hoped for so it was good. thanks for checking in. take care

Glad you guys are on the same page now.