I am not sure this is the right spot..... but i have to share this!!!

My husband and I have been together for 12 years this October. We started dating in high school at the age of 16. HE is soooo wonderful!!!!!

One night while we were dating, I told him about my abuse. i didn't tell him everything at that time, because I was afraid of losing him. I just had to tell him why I had been acting the way I was. He was very angry and vowed to never let him hurt me again. He said he would be there to protect me. I had fallen madly in love with him after only two weeks of dating. He was the first guy that actually treated me like I was a human with feelings, not just a piece of *****.
By the time I was 18 my mom had moved my sister and I back to the town where I was born, to get away from my stepdad. Stephen and I stayed together through all of that. I got pregnant with my daughter who will be 10 in seven days. It wasn't something we planned, it just happened....... not that I would change it for the world.
I moved in with him 5 months pregnant and a senior in high school. My mom was 4 hours away. Eventually she moved back to the same town and back in with my stepdad.

Stephen and I were not married when our daughter was born, but he was there every step of the way. He even cried the first time he held her....... He was 19.

11 years ago,my abuse stopped. I finally got the guts to tell my stepdad that Stephen knew what he had been doing. I think that is why he stopped.
In the 11 years since i moved out of my mothers house, my life has been a roller coaster. The things I thought we right, turned out to be totally wrong. I ended up hurting the man I love more than anything. Why? I couldn't explain why. When Stephen would say to me that I was looking for my father figure I would get mad. I would deny it. We talked off and on about my abuse as a child, but never in depth. I was took scared to let him in.

2 years ago I almost lost my marriage. I would have lost everything I ever dreamed off, because I didn't want to accept the truth. The truth being, I was searching for something that I didn't have as a kid.
My husband left only to come back three weeks later. In those 3 weeks I lost 30 pounds. i was a basketcase.The only thing holding me together was my two kids.

I went to counseling and he went too. He told me that he didn't want to give up on me because he knew I was a strong person, I just had to see it for myself.
He asked me to let him. To open up and talk to him, it was hard but I did. I was totally amazed at how he understood what I was saying. I didn't know that he had been listening to radio shows on abuse. Trying to figure me out!

He would tell me that I needed to accept the fact that what happened happend and that it wasnt my fault. I have come along way since 1995. I read the article by SeptemberMorn the other day and was just completely blown away. I felt as if she was writing that just for me!!! I felt that she knew me inside and out!
I PMed here and we went into chat. She gave me validation on everything I would say as far as the way I felt. I wish I could put into words how that made me feel. I just can't.

Friday night I went to work with my husband. I told him about the article and we talked about it. I told him for the first time in my life, I can look in the mirror and not see this horrible person. I told him that I have accpeted the fact that I was abused and I have accpet the fact that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!!!!! WE talked for two hours on this. He told me that I was a very strong person, because I have had some set backs lately and this worried him. I told him that I have decided that like SeptemberMorn said............ WE own our mental illness, it does NOT own us. It does not define as a person.
For 11 years, I have let my abuse define me as a person. I have let it control me!!!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!

Stephen said the most important words I think I have ever in my life heard. He told me that he was proud of me!!!!!!! Then he said WE will beat this together!!!!!
All I can say is, what a man..........

My therapist said: Through you, many people will be healed.

My response: If I can only reach one person, I'll be happy.

I didn't know it would be so exceedingly rewarding!!

(excuse me while I reach for a tissue...)

Way to go guys! Proud of ya both!

Thanks, Sky! You don't know how much your words mean to me.

((((((((mrb)))))))))

((((((((Tomi)))))))))

This is one of the most amazing threads...giving me goosebumps.

xoxo

SeptemberMorn,

I want you to know that you have not just touched one life you have reached out and touched 4. My husband and Kids deserve some much more........ and now they can have that!

Thanks

{{{{{{{{{{{Mel}}}}}}}}}} Don't know what to say, Hun, except love each other and be happy!

You've done well to cope with your illness so far and with your husband's support, you will overcome it.

AWH.........You guys. This was a wonderful thread. Just wonderful. Thanks for sharing this.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
IT WAS NOT MY FAULT

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

mrb,

That is the hardest thing to realise and yet it's so obvious. How could a child be to blame for what is done to them by their so-called protector? This is one of the darkest parts of human psychology IMHO: the transfer of blame from a perpetrator to an innocent victim.

I've said this before but it's worth repeating again. Before he died my father said to me - "You made yourself the victim."

It is a long walk back from such a cold and lonely place as this. Thank goodness that there are people who understand.

Good thoughts, M

mrb......i write this with tears rolling down my face.....your story is my story with a few variations.....thank you so much for sharing this....it has reaffirmed many things for me.......God bless you and your family.....and as tomi (the wonderful person that she is) says.love and be happy......

it sounds like you've found a wonderful man, well done both of you x