[Rhapsody]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I just dont get him (my husband) at times.... we are sitting here watching TV and I made a comment that a man looked like his dad and of course my husband disagreed with me - hence an argument started that left me not knowing why he got (often gets) so upset with me over things like this... all I was doing was expressing "my opinion" of the matter, that which was different from his opinion.

*shakes head* *big sigh* *shakes head again*

HELP!!

[salukigirl]

Maybe your husband is my bf because he does the same things and I can't figure it out either. Last night we made a cake. It wasn't cooled down yet and he tried to ice it and, of course, pulled off the whole top. So I reached my little fingers in there and pulled out a piece and he goes "why do you always have to pull it from the center?!"

They really do get upset and defensive over silly things. I know it stems from insecurity, but insecurity of what I can't figure out.

[radio_flyer]

My son does the same thing... I even say "this is my opinion" on whatever the topic at the time might be... Seems my opinions no matter what, stirs up an argument... Maybe it is a "man" thing... They just don't like hearing "our" opinions... shrugs shoulders

Yep, for sure it is a man thing. I cannot recall the last time a woman agreed with anything I said. So now it is a lot of "yes, dear"s.

[Rhapsody]

People.... male or female imo should accept the opinions of others no matter if they agree with it or not.... we are all entitled to our opinion with out having to fight for it.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

when will we learn - ?

[radio_flyer]

The Byzantine.. the yes dears made me smile.......I remember when mama and daddy were alive, daddy would get so frustrated, that he started saying "yes dear" to everything mama said. lol

Just we women get frustrated because we really don't want to argue over an "opinion". We most of the time just want to be heard and validated we have opinions..I don't think we want to argue too... grins..

[salukigirl]

If anything is a pet peeve it's the 'yes dear'. I hate it. I would much rather a guy get so upset about something stupid rather than just say whatever I want to hear. At least the first one shows some passion.

Yes, dear.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Yes, dear.

LOL - Now Stop that.....

[lynn P.]

Does your husband have good feelings towards his dad - I'm wondering if he doesn't, maybe that triggered him to think about his dad thus his grouchy reaction. There's no doubt men and women think differently. If an issue is minor, I just let the smaller arguments go now, even if I know I'm right lol. Hugs to you ((Rhapsody))

[Rhapsody]

Hubby's father and him have not really connected (even though they love each other) since his father cheated on his mother after 28 years of marriage - hence the breaking up the family... that was over 20 years ago so trust me I when I say I am use to dealing with that issue, but what is going on now is some thing different all together.

Hubby and I never see eye to eye on any thing these days... where we use to be on the same side of the fence many years back, and while I can accept my husbands opinions (which are different from mine) he does not like to accept or hear mine... he often feels as though I am just trying to make a point when I just want to be heard for me.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - - - - - BoooooooHoooooo

[lynn P.]

Growling right there with you and handing you a tissue -the extra soft kind lol.

[1flagwriter]

I'm with Byz!! I learned a long time ago, "yes...honey", "sure, baby, you're right"...hehehe

[lynn P.]

You guys are well trained -just kidding hee heee

[Rhapsody]

Thanks guys.... but seriously I am looking for some ideals (and or advice) to why he is acting like this - it is driving us a part both emotionally and sexually.

[lynn P.]

Sometimes generic grouchyness could indicate underlying frustrations - in other words that little tiff, isn't the reason he reacted that way. Obviously you're not psychic and you can't always read between the lines. You need to figure out, is this coming from you, your husband or both of you and what's triggering this. I'm assuming you've been married a while, so you would know the best approach, on how to have a good heart to heart talk. I think I remember from reading your other posts, that you feel frustrated with the lack of communication - you not feeling respected and understood.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks for the reply lynn.... from talking with other people in the family (from his side and mine) I would have to say that 95% of this is coming from him and what ever it is he is dealing with from with in - I just wish he would explode have a melt down or some thing and get it over with.

btw.... married 24 years (together 27 years in all) - still hanging in there.

[angie2716]

That sounds exactly like my husband. I've gotten to where I just have to say ok your right and just walk away. I have to watch a lot of what I say or else it turns into an arguement. Best of luck to you hun!

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by angie2716

I have to watch a lot of what I say or else it turns into an arguement. Best of luck to you hun!

Same here... and we just had one of those moments over the cat. (I dont always know what will set him off)
I hate having to walk on eggshells in my own house. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[englishteacher]

I'm with Angie...sometimes it's so frustrating that I just give in and walk away - it's not worth the argument.

BUT, that isn't what you are saying Rhapsody. You want him to hear you - I can relate. You've been married for a long time, which means you probably have worked through lots of stuff together. What makes this different? Has he always been this way? Is there a way to tell him how it makes you feel when he overrides your opinion?

[angie2716]

I'm here for you hun. You can pm me anytime you want. If you ever need to vent or just talk. Hugs!

[shezbut]

Hi Rhapsody

I do understand where you are coming from. My ex and I were married for 16 years (and 3 more yrs living together). We have gone through a heck of a lot together. The last 2 or 3 years, however, often felt emotionally distant. Especially the last year!

I tried and tried to work things out ~ but, he just could not understand my perspective or appreciate why I felt the way I did about whatever. That led to less and less interactions, as I couldn't handle being basically ignored. My ex wasn't really looking for any interactions with me. I can now see that, in hindsight. We did go to a marital counselor after my hospitalization for S.I. One week into counseling, my ex declared that he reached his end. He could not/ would not go any further with me. I often wish that I'd gotten him to go to the T sooner. Maybe our marriage could have been saved. Who knows??

I do highly recommend seeing a counselor together, to be sure that you are still seeing eye to eye on things. Simply living together on different wavelengths really sucks! I wish you and your hubby the very best!

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by englishteacher

What makes this different? Has he always been this way? Is there a way to tell him how it makes you feel when he overrides your opinion?

What makes this time different is that he is just so grumpy and out right forceful and rude in getting his pov stated when all another person was doing was sharing their pov on a subject that interested them.

No - he has not always been like this.... at one time he use to hate confrontation of any kind, hence he avoided it at cost, but now he is just a grumpy old man that states "I will say what I want when I want and I dont care what anyone says" (and he does) - I personally think it may be half age (45) and half mild depression.... but no matter what it is its getting to me day after day after day.

I have talked to him and I can see that he is trying to change... but it is like Dr Jekyll & Mr Hide with him - and Mr Hide seems to get control before dear hubby gets a chance to think. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[garfield1]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Hi Rhapsody

I do understand where you are coming from. My ex and I were married for 16 years (and 3 more yrs living together). We have gone through a heck of a lot together. The last 2 or 3 years, however, often felt emotionally distant. Especially the last year!

I tried and tried to work things out ~ but, he just could not understand my perspective or appreciate why I felt the way I did about whatever. That led to less and less interactions, as I couldn't handle being basically ignored. My ex wasn't really looking for any interactions with me. I can now see that, in hindsight. We did go to a marital counselor after my hospitalization for S.I. One week into counseling, my ex declared that he reached his end. He could not/ would not go any further with me. I often wish that I'd gotten him to go to the T sooner. Maybe our marriage could have been saved. Who knows??

I do highly recommend seeing a counselor together, to be sure that you are still seeing eye to eye on things. Simply living together on different wavelengths really sucks! I wish you and your hubby the very best!

Hi Shezbut.

I understand exactly what you mean. But to be honestwe tried the counsellor we went once and he declared that we didn't need to go anymore. She gave us good advice. But I don't think the one visit was enough. I can't be. So now he changed for a week and I would like to say he went back to the way he used to be but he didn't, He Got Worse.

Now we hardly talk and Im stupidly trying to have a baby with him.

I wish someone would tell me I am not being dumb. But I know I am.

[englishteacher]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you realize he doesn't always think before he speaks...maybe you could suggest he work on that, since it is painful to you?