[Jenn1fer82]

All we do is fight about money. We are getting sick of it but we don't know how to resolve it. Our money issues will not go away but the stress of it is overwhelming and we don't have the best communication skills which then trickles down to other problems. I have a short fuse and he gets very defensive. Our argument could get very mean at times. He's always worried that we're about to break up but I'm no where near that. I just want us to reduce our stress and learn how to talk to one another. How do I stay calm when my raw emotions gets the best of me.

[jenkins09]

Aaahhh....the old fight about money thang...its usually never about money, rather something else. Its seem like money is a symptom of a larger underlying problem. You said he is afraid that you will leave him, do you threaten him with this?

Do you guys have a time limit on how long you will talk. Say you get 5 minutes to express yourself and then he mirrors back what you said, if he misses a point,you share it with him again. This way you feel heard and he knows how you feel without you blowing a gasket, then its his turn.

It takes work at first to mirror and reflect, but if you can master this, you guys will have a lot less conflict in your relationship.

Good luck!

While you and he are working on anger management, you might also think about the meaning of compromise: ▸ noun: an accommodation in which both sides make concessions.

Good luck.

[Perna]

I would definitely talk about the money, but as a thing, without any emotions. Look together at what income you have, what expenses are required, give yourself each a little personal amount/allowance to spend as you each see fit and set an agreed upon limit where if one wants to spend that amount of extra money, they first have to talk to the other. If someone does not keep to the agreed upon rules (and maybe only make them for 3 months and then re-evaluate) then there should be agree upon consequences. With a plan you both have input on, one shouldn't need to get defensive or emotional later.

The problem I had is my husband made a lot more money than I did and would spend more money (but neither of us overspends or feels the other overspends). And, he was more conservative than I on how much money should be spent overall, both. But I realized my feelings were my own problem (since he was not overspending and did work and make more money) so I usually solved our disagreement by going and getting a/nother job to make as much as I needed for whatever "extra" I wanted. I am not a cheap date

Jenn1fer82, best wishes in working your way through this.