[kyra1986]

I have been with my fiance for one year now and we live together from the beginning. in general we have a great relationship and we love each other very much. we never had any serious problems and we had a healthy relationship. the think is now i realize we appear to have different communication styles and this drives us to conflicts, not very often (every two months or so)but big ones.
the think is that when he wants to talk about something he focuses on the main point, while from my part i see the whole picture, and through explanations i try to make him understand how i think and feel about that issue.the fact however that we perceive issues different it causes us a serious problem. how can i handle this situation and see thinks as he does?

[Perna]

Hi, Kyra, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

You and your fiance sound a little like me and my husband. I think it is great that you can understand how the two of you see things differently. For me, I use that and adapt my thinking to how he sees things, kind of go along with him since it seems he has a harder time understanding my point of view. I feel sorry for my husband because he sees things more limited than I do sometimes.

We usually only argue about spending money and my husband is more conservative than I am. But, that's good; he is not cheap or selfish, just careful. When we have disagreed on something I want to buy and I still want to buy it, sometimes I have worked more to make more money so I can buy it or I decide if it is worth it to make him unhappy. Sometimes I think it is important enough to buy anyway so I do and just accept that I have made him unhappy.

Because you can see the whole picture, that is good because you can see what is important to him and, usually, make sure he is happy :-) For me, that is what love is and even having a part of what I want is good, usually my husband has a way to get all of what I want, it just takes a longer period of time and I am impatient Sometimes I can move him a little bit at a time in "my" direction. So, maybe some patience will help you? Do/get the main point and then move to the "next" main point in your overall picture. See if you can be flexible enough so you do not care as much "which" main point gets done in what order. Plan and practice while you are waiting and it will make it even better when you get what you want.

Hello, kyra1986.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/***...2/METHOD=print

When a conflict arises, who decides what the main point is? Does your fiance listen to you? Is this a situation where your fiance will not consider compromising? Are you always expected to capitulate to his wishes? Both of you may have strong feelings about the topic. Why are you expected always to see things as he doe?

A compromise involves concessions on both sides. If your fiance really cares about you, he would not be so controlling. I see red flags if he has to have his way all the time.

Good luck.