[seeker1950]

I watched the documentary on E network the other night about women who choose to first correspond, and then fall "in love" with inmates behind bars....some on death row. Fascinating, and as Artist had mentioned in another thread, the women were articulate, educated and attractive.
I am thinking the initial motivation would be a "caregiver" role, nurturing, compassionate and surely naive. Several had married their inmate loves. But if and when they get "out," God help them.
Don't these women realize that these con artists have many, many hours locked in a cell to think up ways of seducing them?
Seeker

[Psyclox]

Love sucks and we all fall in love with the wrong person sum of us are lucky are to fall love with the right person, but people like myself fall in love with the wrong person all the the time, yes these people do have to much time to think of ways to seduce these poor innocent women,but in the end it is there fault as well for allowing it to happen, I do not blame them for it they long for love as do I and they seek it where ever it may be found even if that is behind bars.

[seeker1950]

LOL, Psy, I see your point!
I know this post/thread may seem silly and pointless to many here, but I have actually known and dated some skilled "con artists" in my recent past, one ending up in prison. I hope my experiences have made me more savvy and discerning. There are many "predators" out there, both in and outside of "bars."
Seeker

[Psyclox]

That is so true and PLEASE I ask you don't fall for their BS again I mean it. People like us are destend to find true love and we will but not in the wring people there are people out there for us we just have to be patient thats all.

[SeptemberMorn]

Psy, IMHO, patience isn't all you need. There should be a class in high school or somewhere, that young people can take to understand any kind of dysfunction in their family of origin so that you don't seek out the same kind of people but instead can recognize a healthy individual.

People with baggage seem to seek out the same kind of people. If I had it to do over again, I'd pound it into my kid's head to NOT marry until they'd had a year of therapy. That way, they would be the best that they could be before looking for a mate. That mate should also be what you want and need before any commitment is made.

Only heaven knows how many times I wished I'd listened to my mother when I told her my first husband and I were getting married!!! One of her main concerns was his health history. She actually said "You don't know if there's any crazy people in his blood line!" (He had been adopted) Come to find out, he is schizophrenic and my daughter inherited that mental illness! Of course, at the time, I wouldn't have thought of my kids inheriting the desease, but I sure wouldn't have married him!! He's 68 now and still refuses to believe there is anything wrong with him! But then again... hind sight is 20/20.

Still, I'm of the firm belief that you do marry the family when you marry your mate. Don't just be patient. Be PRO ACTIVE... for your own sake.

[SeptemberMorn]

Hope I didn't hijack your thread... But to respond to your post, these women can't be mentally healthy, ya know? I won't venture to dx them, but these realtionships can't be healthy, either! Maybe these women are attracted by "bad boys" or the danger they put themselves in. Maybe they like to fly in the face of danger and thumb their nose at fate! Maybe they don't have even a semblance of self-esteem. Who knows! I would think that self-preservation would rule against that kind of relationship! YIKES!!

You know what they say about the fine line between genius and madness. Maybe there's a fine line between bravery and stupidity, too! LOL

[Artist]

I have been thinking about this and It is a strange Phenomenon. my take on this is that they the women do get a feeling of security from this. Woman tend to respond to the written word more then men. men tend to be more visual. The women get to have a relationship without all the bother of having to deal with everyday issues having a life with a mate there all the time. Long romantic and erotic letters may give them some satisfaction. I think it is more about the fantasy then the reality of the situation. Most of these woman could find a man on the outside. A good stable solid guy. There are plenty of us out here looking. I'm not after a barbie doll or a 26 year old trophy wife.
there is another form of relationship that kind of goes along this same line and that is on line relationships. They are also based on Fantasy and escape.

[seeker1950]

I think it's primarily a lack of self-esteem.
Seeker

[(JD)]

It is sure "safe" for the time being! How many women wish they could lock their husbands up while they live a life they want, only to return to him when they wish? It isn't healthy, imo. But then, look how many ppl who break the law AREN'T locked up? Maybe they find each other this way??? lol

[January]

Tomi,

That's one of the best and most sensible threads I've ever read.

I wish everyone in the world could read it before they pick a mate.

Hugs,

Jan

[Myzen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
seeker1950 said: I have actually known and dated some skilled "con artists" in my recent past, one ending up in prison.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Good grief, Seeker, you seem to get more interesting and exotic by the minute!

Cheers, M-curious

PS - Sorry if I went off - topic there.

[seeker1950]

Not "exotic," Myzen....Embarrassing, but I was so naive at the time. It was 7 years ago, just after my divorce, and I felt sorry for someone who presented himself as wanting to improve his life. I thought I could help...NOT. The sociopath can be very charming and manipulative.
Seeker

[Artist]

The good news is that you have lived a life. If there wasn't some embarrassing moments a few regrets and some mistakes along the way it would be a dull life indeed.

[Myzen]

Seeker and everyone,

Maybe we could have a (half serious) thread dedicated to 'the charms of the sociopath?' I have some stories on that subject which would curl your hair; the experiences certainly curled mine!

Cheers, M

[seeker1950]

Great idea...Myzen!!! Will you start one? I have some stories as well!!!
Seeker

[Artist]

Can't wait for the start of the sociopath thread .

[Perzephone]

I don't know... I've always had pen-pals, from when I was a 4th or 5th grader. I've been writing one girlfriend (altho she's not an inmate or ex-inmate, just a regular person) for about 20 years now. I've always been interested in seeing the world from different eyes - I can't travel, so postcards from France or England or Japan are always cool to find in my p.o. box. And, as a result of my snail-mail hobby, I have, from time to time, ended up writing inmates.

I've always recognized that what someone writes to you (much like internet relationships) could be pure b.s., tho. And I've always kept up relationships w/people in 'real life', so I can maintain a sense of perspective.

I don't think there's anything wrong w/writing to someone who's behind bars, but they do always ask for a lot of stuff, including monetary donations - and I know that after I say 'NO!' a few times, they'll eventually stop writing. It's a pretty good indication that the person just wanted to see what they could get from someone 'on the outside' & weren't interested in an actual friendship. I've had freeloading 'friends' in real life, too - only they're usually harder to get rid of!

[BlueFaith]

Well, what an eye-opener. Let me tell you about myself. I got involved with a man in prison when I was about 17 or 18. (I'm 25 now) We wrote letters back and forth. Stupid, YES. He is STILL in prison in Texas and has no hope of ever getting out. And you know what's really bad? I still don't know what he's down for. He never would tell me what he did to end up in prison, and that's when I ended the whole "relationship" thing we had going on. For me, it was a good way of being accepted. I thought that this man really did love me, and that I was "helping" him by writing to him and showing him compassion. I felt like it was a "safe" relationship because he was never getting out, so therefore he was never going anywhere. It gave me a sense of security, and it made me feel like I was loved and accepted. Someone mentioned that most of these women they saw on TV were attractive, well-educated, etc. I am an attractive, educated person. And it would not have been hard for me to find a man on the outside world. But then I had some major problems with self esteem. So, I feel that these "inmate loves" give these women a degree of satisfaction in more than one way. I certainly would never recommend someone to have any contact with inmates for the sake of love..... especially if they are looking forward to getting out. Just thought I'd share.

-Jen-

[Artist]

Thanks for the insight Jen. Are you now or have you been in a relationship with a guy on the outside since you stopped writing that inmate? Did you ever go to visit him in prison?

[BlueFaith]

Hi Artist,
No, I never went to see him in prison, but we communicated with each other for quite some time. We would talk on the phone and exchange photos through mail. I am now married with 3 children. And I still have issues when it comes to my self esteem... and the way I think others see me. But I am happier now than I was talking to the inmate. Real relationships are much better than the "fantasy" ones.
-Jen-