[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

This has been an issue for me for some time now and I am a bit upset and confused.

I have 2 friends from work in particular who will talk via Facebook or MSN to me as well as in work. However my friend S is great when we talk face:face but when she Facebook chat's me. She becomes distant like she has other better things to do. Tonight well it was 12:15am to just 12:45am. We were in the middle of a conversation and she quickly sent me a email saying "Going to bed night night xxx" while in mid conversation. That has really ticked me off. My other friend C is worse than that. I haven't properly spoken to her since early March and its not my fault as I have been trying to engage her but for some weird reason I am not to be spoken to now?????? I spoke to her and she said it's cause she was doing me no good as she has post natal depression. Which is fair enought but toally isolating me and not giveng me a reason until early June is frustrating. A few friends have commented on her "distances-ness"

Then there is my friend K who will normally speak to me. But the past 2 occassions on MSN has not msn'ed me back when I ask "hey hows things?" and then writes 1 hour later "night hun xxx"

I am frustarted tonight as its like I am isolated AGAIN!!!

Why bother with people and friends. They only let you down all the time. Well they do with me

[slowinmi]

Miss Laura,

I'm so sorry your friends have let you down. This may sound like a dumb question, but is it possible they communicate with everyone that way on facebook? I know when I'm trying to talk to more than 1 person at a time it may sound curt. Also I get up very early in the morning so I try to be prompt with my bedtime. Sometimes I get talking and have too much fun here and stay up too late and then I really have to hurry to get off - no long good byes.

The other thing that you mentioned that hit home with me was your friend's depression. Mine has flared lately and I'm really anti-social most of the time. I know that I've hurt friends here at PC, but right now it's hard for me to talk. I just want to loiter in the forums. IRL it's even worse. I have a hard time talking on the phone and I especially don't want to be around others. I'm just saying this because your friend may have had a hard time telling you. It may not be a deliberate attempt to avoid you, just a difficult time for her.

Give it some time and space and give her a chance to heal. I think others communicate the same on-line, but try asking your friends if they always get off-line so quickly or try talking to someone else?

Good luck to you. I hope you find some answers and feel better soon.

slow

[Perna]

Yes, what slowinmi said :-) I've noticed too that not all people one enjoys at work are as good at chat online as others. I know that working with some people all day and then chatting with them at night; it's just too much. A lot of my friends I use to chat with had more friends than I did too and I think it can be hard when you have 20 online friends talking to you at once and easier to let a few you see day-to-day just drop a bit since you can talk to them during the day, especially if you or your friend don't have much to say at night.

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

My friends that I talk to are not all from work they are from my other job which I havent done in over 2 years. It just hurts when they come offline and your mid way into conversation or they keep popping on line then not speaking to you. Makes you feel wanted and loved

[AAAAA]

I'm sorry that this has left you feeling abandoned, but friendship is a give and take thing. It's important to respect other people's needs as well. Rating importance between getting rest and lighthearted chatting, sleeping is definately more important at that time of the morning.

Have you asked them why they've departed abruptly? Have they given hints prior to signing off that they're tired?

[Miss Laura]

I have spoken to 1 of my friends who "disappeared" she has ironically "disappeared" althogether in my life and I am a bit hurt as I really liked her company. She has Post-Natal Depression but is doing great. She has acquired new friends so I am dumped.

I haven't spoken to anyone else as I feel a bit stupid asking them... oh no wait I did I asked my best mate and she said we are fine and she isn't going to abandon me etc. She is sometimes weird when we talk ie 1 worded answers like she isn't listening.

When I talk on line and they "disappear" they don't tell me prior to them doing it. They just do it. Which I find is very rude

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey MissLaura,

I really have to agree with the others. I'm sorry this has happened to you, though all their points are valid. Sometimes too, people who are not depressed don't like it when people who are depressed try to engage them; it brings them down because they think they have to play therapist or listen to something they don't know how to handle. It may not seem fair to you and leaves a lot to be desired but that is the way it is some times.

Even as a depressed person myself, when I feel really bad I don't want to be the support person because I'm not in the right frame of mind. I hope that sounds right and isn't taken badly; I'm trying to say it the right way. I don't do the poor me thing because I don't want to be a poor me but when I have a really bad day I just sit and cry all day rather than pass it on to someone else. I come here and I get honest to goodness caring and support from the people here who are able to give it to me. I know they know how I am feeling and they are feeling strong enough to support me. Those who don't feel strong enough wait 'til they are feeling better,

I don't get on IM at all now because I want to be alone; the last time I used IM was last year sometime. Though on facebook I am constantly being harrassed by friends to talk to them. I now have my stance set at "away" so that I won't be bothered. Part of that though is the agoraphobia and anxiety, and the fact that I am a person with avoidance issues. I retreat even more though when I am majorly depressed and even the slightest anxious,

Rhi