[justjoanie]

Here is our story....
My partner and I were happy together. I can't even begin to tell you the way it felt to be with her. I'm not saying we didn't have our issues, but we were happy.
One of our issues is her ex-girlfriend. She won't let go. She is constantly trying to get her back. She is very manipulative, and knows exactly what to say to M (my partner) to make her doubt herself and our relationship.
M hurt her back a couple months ago. Now we find out that it's a herniated disk. It's not something that can be "fixed". She needs to have an MRI so that she can be put on Pain Management. She can't afford the co-pay for the MRI. But she won't let me help her with it either. I know that she hates the fact that I take care of most of the bills because I make more money than she does. I keep telling her we're partners, and all of our money is "ours". But she doesn't want to hear it.
The pain she is in is depressing her. She already suffers from depression (so do I). But the constant physical pain is bringing her further and further down. She's in that pit. Her depression is wreaking havoc on our relationship. I know that when those dark clouds start dragging me under, I reach for comfort. I usually go to bed, and I just want to be with her. That's my comfort.
Unfortunately, her ex knows just when to come in and start begging her to come back. Since they were together for a couple years, there is a familiar comfort there. So she starts doubting us. She starts thinking that she doesn't know who she wants to be with. I know its the depression talking, but I can't get her to understand that.
Now she's saying that it's "not fair" to me to have to deal with her in pain like this. It's not "what I signed up for" when I started dating her. She is saying that she needs time to think about what she wants in her life. And OF COURSE the ex is all over this, talking to her, spending time with her.
Anyway, I guess what I'm asking for is advice, or help of some sort. I'm having a depressive episode over all of this. I think I'm losing it!

Hello, justjoanie. This ambivalence has been going on for awhile. Your friend needs to make up here mind. You should not have to be in a tug of war for months.

What does your therapist say?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

JustJoanie,

This is such a sad situation for you. How it hurts when there is such a non-committal conversation going on and it is with a person you love so much.

I really can only say that I hope you kick the depression and get out of the pit. There are no easy ways of dealing with such situations but I can offer you support to help you through. I do hope this is resolved for you soon.

As Byz asked, do you have a therapist or are you in self-management for your depression?

Rhiannon

[justjoanie]

I'm not seeing a therapist right now. But I'm calling my doc to see if she will at least put me back on my meds. I was taking Efexor, and it worked well for me for 2 years. I went off of them about 1 1/2 years ago, but I think it's time to be back on them.
M and I had a good conversation about "us". She has been coming to me when she is in pain, and has been leaning on me for support. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm taking care of her as best I can. Her pain level has been a constant 6 or 7, but at times is a strong 9.
I'll let you guys know what the dr says about the meds.
Thanks for your advise! It's great to have somewhere I can go to vent a little and get responses back from people who actually know what it's like to deal with a mental/emotional illness/issue.