[anxietygirl]

Ok, so how does it happen? I am sitting here a complete mess. I have been good friends with my neighbor for 3 years. He is married too. We are both having issues in our marriage. I really know how to pick them too. He was on parole for drug smuggling. He owns nothing. He seemed like a nice guy. Always complimented me and started spending alot of time with my son who is 14. He always wanted to take my son somewhere. He told me he knew if he could get to my son and show interest in him, that he could get to me. Scary. Well he did get to me and I fell for it. He said everything I wanted to hear that my husband has not been saying. Me and my husband have not been intimate in 3 years, not even kissing or hugging, and we have slept apart for 11 years. It was killing me. I was lonely. I am still lonely. I feel broken. I feel like I am on the edge. Now this guy says we need to each work on our marriages because it is wrong to be together. We did not sleep together, thank God. I bought him a straight talk phone Friday and clothes because he left all of his stuff and his wife wouldnt let him have it. He told me all weekend he loved me, wanted to be with me. Then yesterday he texted we need to talk. But he wouldn't tell me why. This morning he texted me to tell me to save my family and marriage. He said he loved me but that he couldn't be with me because he misses his kids because he missed them growing up because he was in prison. Anyways, I told him I loved him and wanted to be with him and I would help him in any way I could. Then I got pissed. I canceled the auto pay on his phone which I bought and then I canceled his service on the phone because I was the one that set it up for him and I knew all the information to cancel the phone. Dumb ***. So he still has the phone, but if he wants it to work again ,he has to buy a new card to get it to work. Revenge? Yes.

How do I get through this? Did I love him? Or was I inlove with someone wanting me? Was it dangerous and manipulative how he spent time with my son to get to me? Help me.

[Perna]

I would look around at myself and life and not him and this relationship for a bit. You have cancelled the phone and severed those ties so I would see what's what. Whether he did something "dangerous and manipulative" or not doesn't matter at this point since it is over.

Do you want your marriage to work? If yes, work on it; you can hug your husband, don't have to wait for him to hug you. If no, split up as staying married cannot help you (or your son) in any way. It is like facing life with a weight around one's feet or hands in boxing gloves; who needs it?

[Belle1979]

Trigger post for me but will throw in my two cents worth.

Personally cheating in any way is wrong. If you don't want to be with your husband any longer than let him go.. maybe both of you will find true happiness somewhere else. On the flip side if you think that you want to stay with your husband, like Perna says, hug him... It takes two to create a loving relationship but someone needs to make the first step.
This guy you were seeing sounds like he id playing games... and in the end more than yourself will get hurt. Think of his family, your family and do what seems right xx

[Envision]

The last two words of your post was help me. I'll give you my honest no-nonsense opinion. You admit being in a relationship that clearly is not working and hasn't worked in 11 years, yet you stayed. Now as a married woman you decide to play around with a felon who is on parole. The only questions you should be asking yourself is why you did this, not if he was dangerous and manipulating you. Loneliness is not an excuse for bad behavior. Have you put the effort into making you and your kid's life better the way you put effort into buying attention from this guy? Time to take a close look at where your life is right now and what you can do to help yourself have a much happier next 11 years. What do you need to work on, I think you already know, but it has to start with you and you can do it.

Hello, anxietygirl. I hope you find a way to resolve your circumstances in a manner that best benefits all who will be affected.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello anxietygirl,

I know exactly how you are feeling about your marriage, I stayed years after it was over...what a waste of a decade I could have been living in peace or having fun or I could have met the man I love a lot sooner and been happier a lot sooner.

I know you feel the primary issue is the drug smuggler who I would have been worried was trying to groom your son as a minor to move drugs for him (minors can't be chraged or jailed). But what I see as the primary concern is your unhappiness in your marriage.

I really hope that you look at it the way it is and that he is a manipulative person who engineered what he wanted from you...so he thought...but you sorted him out...very well I think because being a drug smuggler on parole he wouldn't want a phone in his own name, too easy to trace, if it's in your name then he's as free as a bird to organise what ever he wants drug wise...and believe me just because he's been in jail doesn't mean he would stop his activities.

I think you've done the right thing and you are so well rid off him...as the others have said you can save your marriage if you want to but you have to want to. If you think you would be happier elsewhere then leave,

Rhiannon

[la doctora]

I have been in a similar situation as you. I am so ashamed of it...
My guy wasn't a felon, but he was surely a dodgy character anyway. It was the passion of the whole thing that I was attracted to I think. It was just like the movies. I have never had anyone WANT me so much. He was a charmer and a romantic. Unlike anyone I had ever been with. But I still should have know better bc I had a wonderful marriage. Unfortunately I did sleep with him. And there were consequences.
I know you said your mairriage is rocky, but I don't think it should make any difference. I would give anything to take back what I did, but I never can.
You have stopped it and that is the first step. Continue to keep the ties broken with him. Don't go too far and live to regret it like I did. Stay stong.
Now you have to decide what you should do in your marriage. My advice is that it is always worth it to try to work things out.