[Tones]

So I've got this problem... I've tried to "explain" three times now. And each time I've ended up writing long paragraph after long paragraph of "stuff" that leaps and bounds in ways that probably only makes sense to me. I have other issues you see, and I didn't join PC to use this particular forum, but I've been pretty shy about posting any details on "my story" until now.

I just scrapped and wiped the first two attempts. Saved the last one but it's also a mess. Plus it has a lot of real personal stuff in it, plus I'm concerned that "she" could run across it and it would be unmistakable to her. And I open up like a well shaken soda can.

And I mentioned to her that I use PC, whoops. I don't mean that to reflect negatively on her, it's just that we are both very curious people.

So how do I distill a big pile of ramblings into something of reasonable length when those voluminous ramblings don't even so much as scratch the surface of being everything I think of as potentially important, but also contain things that are a dead giveaway. Actually, I could well have shown my hand already since my well chosen user name (NOT!!!) would stick out to her and several friends like a sore thumb if they were to happen across it. And the title of this thread isn't exactly stealthy either. Oh well.

Quite a predicament I have myself in. Hope I'm not shooting myself in the foot if I actually pull the trigger on this.

Could I just privately send this, if/once I'm able to shorten and descramble it, to select people who might be interested in reading it, assuming anyone would be interested in reading it, after looking at their profiles? LOL A "private", "access by approval only" thread, that's what I need!

OTOH, if she's got her ears on, I'm busted already! Perhaps I'm not smart enough to realize that since usually if I do something like this it bites me in the buttocks, this probably will too?

Can y'all just ask me stuff and let me try to dole out the goods that way? ROFL

Thanks, may you be a tolerant person with a perhaps sort of dryish sense of humor

/tones

I know, this session has been open forever. I'll gamble, if I hit submit and it takes, it goes, it it doesn't....

[Tones]

Oh great! It Worked!

Well done, Tones. Remember to complete what you finish.

Be well.

[Tones]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Well done, Tones. Remember to complete what you finish.

Ok, so was that meant as a joke because the most informative thing about the post was probably the title, seriously because at least I managed to "break the ice" on trying to get something posted, or an encouragement for me to finish by doing something with my "notes" and get that posted?

I'm actually working right now, I may try to do something with my "raw data" that will allow me to post it sometime Sunday if I can.

Best,

/tones

[Belle1979]

Good Luck with meeting up with your ex, i hope it goes well

[Tones]

Thanks Belle, I hope not to be whining and whimpering by Tuesday.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey Tones,

What a drama for you! I really hope this gets sorted and that your outcome is positive,

Take care,

Rhiannon

[Tones]

Heh, I guess my primary job is try to avoid it becoming overly dramatic due to anything I do. Actually things went great. We had a really nice time and I feel pretty good.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

COOL! That is really brilliant! So is there another date on the horizon?

Rhiannon

[Tones]

Why yes, yes there is

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Cooley Bananas!

[Belle1979]

That is so good to hear! wishing you all the happiness in the world xxxx

[Tones]

The "date" that's coming up was actually planed before this visit. I wasn't really concerned about messing up those plans.

I think I'm going to have to "dish" a bit. I have a T appointment Monday, but I need to get some stuff off my chest before then. If she does end up reading this hopefully she won't hold it against me too much since it's highly unlikely anyone other than her would identify me and/or have any clue whom I'm talking about. I'm already more honest and forthcoming with her than I probably should be so I doubt anything I say here would come as a big surprise to her. It seems to help me just to put stuff out here whether anyone responds or not, and by getting it out of my system here, I'm hoping it'll help lessen my urge to go looking to her with questions she's not ready to consider answers for.

I had the best time that I can remember having in quite a while spending time with her. I'm afraid I jumped the gun a bit by asking her if she'd consider dating exclusively and just see where things go from there. She said she'd have to think about it, but that she kind of likes not being in a relationship right now. She also said she's concerned about the consequences of things not working out if we did that. I told her that I didn't think a "friends with benefits" relationship was something I could do longer term, and she said that's not really for her either.

When I left, we hugged and I said "Please don't feel like you have to say a word... I love you!" to which she replied "I've never stopped loving you".

I felt ok yesterday, but today I'm finding myself really preoccupied thinking about this and I'm also feeling a touch melancholy, and I'm not even sure why. It seems to me that overall things look more positive than negative. I think even 'though she didn't want to make any committments at this time, the fact that she didn't say "absolutely not" to my question seems at least somewhat encouraging as well.

I think it's really important for me to give this time and to keep myself from "pushing". Unfortunately I also think that's going to be one of the most challenging things I've ever attempted.

I really believe there's something about the way I feel about her I'll never find again. I never have and just don't think I ever will love anyone as deeply and completely as I do her. It had been over 3 years since I last saw her and my feelings for her hadn't weakened at all. It's not like I've been pining all that time, but quite honestly, the best I've been able to do is to keep from constantly being preoccupied with it.

Either this is "the real thing" for me, or there's something seriously wrong with me. On the bright side, I guess if it's the latter it should be treatable

Best,

/tones

I wish you well.

[Belle1979]

Someone special to me (who helped me through a really tough time more than he really knows he did) posted this on one of my forums.. I just wanted to share as it made a whole lot of sense to me at the time

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.