[Gr3tta]

So I have come to understand something, but it hasn't really led to a change in my behavior yet, so I'm just trying to work it out here. Maybe it will be good to share what I've learned, and maybe you all have some useful feedback!

I am a snoop. I am deceitful, and sneaky, and I will go through everything. I know all your passwords. I'm in your email, in your phone, in your bills. I have accounts on all the websites you frequent, and you don't know it's me. I also log on as you, and read everything that's private. I go through your browser history, and your trash. I worry that, like me, you also have "secret identities" and worry that in spite of all my dilligent digging, I am missing things.
What exactly is the point of all this????
The problem with snooping is, there is always something to find. It's not always something big. It's not always: oh no, my wife has cheated on me! oh no, my husband is using coke again! oh no my partner lied about where they went out of town - It can be really little things: an old email where he called you a b***h to his cousin while irritated with you, or an old photo of the ex that they probably don't even remember is there, or any number of small little things that I can take out of context and blow out of proportion. We all have little secrets, little skelatons in the closet, there is always something to find.
So given that I know and recognize this, what exactly do I hope to get out of doing so much digging? Goodness knows I have secrets. Nothing big, just little minor things that truly aren't important, but things we're better off not worrying over.
So why don't I quit it already? I'm really frustrated with myself today.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta

or any number of small little things that I can take out of context and blow out of proportion.

I think the security of feeling like you are in control helps you get through the day? None of us are actually in control but knowing as much as possible helps you feel better. Why would you want to quit that? It's like an addiction.

If you are really tired of your behavior, wish you could be different, more relaxed and not have to spend so much time snooping instead of living, I'd see a therapist for my anxiety or, wipe all my hard drives, phones, etc. and start over with just my own stuff on there, not all that other junk.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

This must be so exhausting for you and it must fuel anxiety

[Puzzle1031]

I just want to let you know you aren't the only one. I am like this with my husband. So, afraid he will cheat and he has giving me no reason to feel that way. It is physical exhaust and I get panic attacks during my "attacks". I call them "attacks", because it doesn't happen everyday or week. I know it can be horrible feeling. What I have done is put a rubber band or if you really want to hide it one of those new silly bandz on my wrist. When I get the feeling I snap it walk away count to 20. Try to figure out why I have to do this and why I really don't. I hope this helps. It is work in progress for me.

[Gr3tta]

Thank you to all for your good insight and suggestions!! It is behavior I am trying to change. I guess realizing it's both pointless and destructive was the first step.

You must have a lot of self-control to know so much and not inadvertently say something that alerts the other that something is amiss.

[Gr3tta]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

You must have a lot of self-control to know so much and not inadvertently say something that alerts the other that something is amiss.

This may be true, but I think I would do better to divert my self-control towards resisting snooping in the first place.
So, I am working on it.