[stieg]

That's it i can't stand this anymore! I need to end this now and i mean now! I hate of being a loner. Having no friends, staying at home on weekends, not dating for a long time; it hurts to be alone. I've tried psychological and psychiatric help and no progress have been done. Loneliness has become my cancer and there's no cure for that. I need help but i guess a way to end my loneliness doesn't exist. I don't want to be a loner for the rest of my life. Please help me.

[bridgie]

I am sorry to hear you feel that way. it takes work to be social. i know this because i am where you are. i am feeling alone and i dont go out much and havent dated for a short while. i tmay not be exactly the same. i tried reaching out and finding old friends. Is that a possiblity for you? im sorry i really have no answers. but you arent alone.

[Belle1979]

when I am depressed (not at the moment thankfully) i climb back into myself and don't want to go anywhere or do anything...
Sounds to me that you are ready to take a big step and stop being lonely... positive move in the right direction and you are a strong person to be making the step...

Can you join a group/club (I joined Yoga - not really that social but it got me out of the house and doing something back when I REALLY didn't feel up to it)... as for dating.. online perhaps? Treat it as a bit of fun and see who you met...

Good Luck xxxx

[rohshall]

Hi Stieg,

I can relate to what you are saying. But what is not clear to me is - why do you avoid people?

1. Do you avoid people because you are afraid of them?

This is called social anxiety. I have this condition. I have been bullied by some boys when I was a kid. That coupled with poor social skills ensured that I became a loner. To resolve this, you need to find out what exactly you are afraid of - are you afraid of people ganging up on you and shaming you? (this is for me). So, you need to learn not to put yourself in a vulnerable situation before people you don't trust and build up skills to defend yourself.

2. Do you avoid people because you cannot relate to them?

If this is so, chances are you have not had any role models of social interactions. I did not have any good role models for social interaction. It was confusing to me how some people get along so well with others, but I can't. The problem was - I have been under the impression that you just please people, talk about subjects they want to talk about, be nice to them, you will have friends. But it is not so, for any social interaction to be successful, there has to be a connection and that connection comes only when you have that connection with yourself i.e. you like yourself, you take care of yourself, you are not afraid to make your needs a priority. When you are in touch with yourself, you can talk to people as equals and you will have a more genuine connection.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello steig,

How old are you and where do you live? Are you a loner or are you lonely? There is a difference; a loner doesn't want things to change but someone who is lovely usually does want a change...it does take time and effort...I do hope things change for you in the most positive of ways...that internet dating idea of Belle's is a really good idea... it surely can't hurt and could be some fun...a few coffee dates or a dinner ?

Good luck

Rhiannon

I changed from lonely to loner when she said come again when you don't have so long to stay.

[stieg]

Originally Posted by Belle1979

Can you join a group/club (I joined Yoga - not really that social but it got me out of the house and doing something back when I REALLY didn't feel up to it)... as for dating.. online perhaps? Treat it as a bit of fun and see who you met...

Good Luck xxxx

1.I take martial arts, know some people. That's it.

2.Tried online dating, nothing happened.

Originally Posted by rohshall

Hi Stieg,

I can relate to what you are saying. But what is not clear to me is - why do you avoid people?

1. Do you avoid people because you are afraid of them?

This is called social anxiety. I have this condition. I have been bullied by some boys when I was a kid. That coupled with poor social skills ensured that I became a loner. To resolve this, you need to find out what exactly you are afraid of - are you afraid of people ganging up on you and shaming you? (this is for me). So, you need to learn not to put yourself in a vulnerable situation before people you don't trust and build up skills to defend yourself.

2. Do you avoid people because you cannot relate to them?

If this is so, chances are you have not had any role models of social interactions. I did not have any good role models for social interaction. It was confusing to me how some people get along so well with others, but I can't. The problem was - I have been under the impression that you just please people, talk about subjects they want to talk about, be nice to them, you will have friends. But it is not so, for any social interaction to be successful, there has to be a connection and that connection comes only when you have that connection with yourself i.e. you like yourself, you take care of yourself, you are not afraid to make your needs a priority. When you are in touch with yourself, you can talk to people as equals and you will have a more genuine connection.

I don't avoid people, people avoid me. Being different from them is why they avoid me.

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Hello steig,

How old are you and where do you live? Are you a loner or are you lonely? There is a difference; a loner doesn't want things to change but someone who is lovely usually does want a change...it does take time and effort...I do hope things change for you in the most positive of ways...that internet dating idea of Belle's is a really good idea... it surely can't hurt and could be some fun...a few coffee dates or a dinner ?

Good luck

Rhiannon

1.I'm 34.

2. Being loner and lonely isn't much of a difference. As i said before i've tried online dating and nothing happened. Some girls from South America and Europe sending me messages and i'm very far where i come from to where they are. Dating is really hard and difficult these days. Women these days only want to go out with men who are doctors or district attorneys and owning a Lexus or a SAAB. I have no clue of what to do. I can't stand this anymore. I do need help pronto!

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

I changed from lonely to loner when she said come again when you don't have so long to stay.

Happens to me all the time.

No but seriously...... I hate feeling the way you do . I can relate.

[UCLAFan]

i can relate.i have not hung out with people much the last 4 to 6 years.

[rohshall]

Hi Steig,

You said people avoid you because you are different. Being different in what way? Generally people will get attracted to honest, good-looking, happy, bold, talkative people. Almost all these attributes can be earned.
I am just like you, trying to find good dates. I have problems in approaching people and striking friendships. So, it's not because of some unknown, mysterious reason I am not getting dates. You seem like a thoughtful person as well. So, I guess you will know what prevents you from people liking you or you forming good relationships. I think we all can guess what qualities people get attracted to and the very same qualities are needed for us to lead a happy, fulfilling life. So, I guess we just need to be better people than we are now.