very confused

i am very new to this, so please be patient. i guess i should start with i broke up with my ex over a year ago because i just wasnt feeling it anymore. i didnt have THOSE feelings anymore. she is still around in my life because whenever i meet someone new i compare them to her. she is hands down the sweetest, nicest, good-natured person i have ever met. i can imagine her being a great wife, mother, partner, etc. but i just dont feel IT. it seems no one compares and i get sad, a lot. she loves me more than anything, true love. all she wants is me and i cant give it to her. i feel SO responsible for her being upset all the time. recently i told her i would try but we hung out a few times and nothing. now, not to sound like scum, but i was sleeping with someone else during this time. she found out and said i didnt actually try with her and whats wrong with me. asked if i would go to counseling and begged me to not give up on her. i guess i just dont know what to do. i dont feel that sexual/personal connection with her...but i get sad ALL the time when i think of her. i need some advice....sorry if this is drawn out, thank you

Maybe you should take a break from romance for a while, until you gain a better understanding of yourself.

I can understand your feelings of guilt for not having deeper feelings for your ex. The guilt may be why you feel sad whenever you think about her ~ perhaps you've conditioned the emotion to everything related to your ex. It's possible. But, that' s for you to think about.

I would advise you to avoid contact with your ex, while you're working through your emotions. No point in hurting her or yourself any more. Take some steps back so you can see things more clearly. Talk with a professional if you need help (feeling lost, hopeless, etc.).

Are you receiving professional help for the depression?

Sounds to me that by being in contact with her is causing her to have hope - hope equals pain (personal opinion from past experience). Cut her loose completely, let her live her own life and you live yours.
Depression could be the key, professional help such as counselling may answers all of your questions.

I agree with Byz and Belle, (not that I disagree with shez {sorry shez}) depression was the first thing I thought of when taking your post apart and putting it back together.

I was doing my mood tracker journal today and I actually put in there:

"I don't know whether I really love my partner or if I need him around to feel loved"

Though I realised I was depressed and had a good bawl about it because I adore him and I felt guilty that he loves me with all my faults...I want to be the best of everything for him and I feel somewhat broken and guilty because I have long periods when I "feel nothing" I "don't feel it"...

But if you don't feel sexually attracted to her there is nothing that can be done about that at all. It's a sexual thing that urges us on to procreate and if it isn't there you may as well be in an arranged marriage...loveless but dependable...yukko!

Good luck with this, I hope you can work it out and we'll support you in the meantime,

Rhiannon