Not sure how long to hold on

I am new to this, but I think I really need some perspective and advice. I will try my best to be brief.

I am twenty years old and have been with my boyfriend for five years now. We met in tenth grade and became instant best friends. We had two mostly happy years at the same school.. our only difficulties were caused by our strict parents. Our entire relationship changed when it was time to go off to college. He got into a very prestigious East Coast university, while it was always my intention to go to school in California (where we both grew up). We decided to try long distance and it has been extremely difficult, but we have muscled through it for three years. He is home for the summer and working, while I study for my MCAT. We are both premed and very motivated, persistent people. I think a big part of our lasting this long has been due to sheer willpower and stubbornness.

We haven't been doing particularly well, though... the past few years have been filled with extreme highs and lows, and I can't really tell if it's strictly due to the difficulty of being apart, or if it also has to do with growing apart as people. Most likely it is both. It feels so complicated. I try to weight it out in my head...the problems are incompatibility. We don't enjoy each other anymore, we bicker over silly things and get on each other's nerves. It's nothing serious, but it makes all the difference. We are young and not sure what the future holds for us. We will probably have to go to different medical schools unless we are extremely, extremely lucky with admissions. I don't know what I am doing anymore...I can't see clearly out of this.

He is, above all, my best friend. He has been through it all with me, and knows me inside and out. I have been struggling with my feelings towards him, though. I can't help but feel annoyed a lot of the time. I simply don't find him attractive anymore... I tell myself it is a phase and that things will improve. I tell myself that I am extremely lucky to have him. But even when we aren't fighting, we are not enjoying ourselves the way we used to...I have no frame of reference. I have no way of knowing if this is normal or so severe that I should leave. I have met other people at school who I am more compatible with and on some level attracted to....but I have exercised the best self control and stayed committed to my boyfriend. I love him, but I don't know if it's the right type of love. Most importantly, I don't know if things really can get much better than this. Our problems are so amorphous that we can't think of concrete, effective solutions.

I can't focus on things anymore. The stress about my relationship consumes me. The questions don't end: will it work out? What if we don't get into the same medical school? Will we ever get along better than we do now? Could I manage without my best friend?

I will end it there. Thank you for reading, and please, if you have any personal experience with long distance or a seemingly fizzled out relationship, I could use the perspective.

Hello bookworm,

This is a sad situation for you to be in. You've continued to grow and mature and missed out on each others growth. Now you've come together in between these abscences and you are realising that there are changes and you are both asserting your growth and strength as individuals.

There is nothing wrong with that, but you need to discuss it with each other and examine your feelings as opposed to just trying to put your foot down and insist on your own "idea" being the right one.

If you can get through this by understanding that you have both grown and that you are in a phase where you are shaping your adult selves, and that there needs to be understanding and acceptance from both of you you should do ok. Each year sees you meeting an almost new person so if you make allowances for that it could be romantic and fun,

Rhiannon