[shrinktwo]

I just had a hysterectomy and we cannot have children now...it has caused my husband to go into a tailspin...he is depressed, bitter, angry, distant, and disengaged from marraige.....he feels what is left if we cannot have kids....I feel as if he has fallen out of love with me because I cannot give him a child ...we are considering adoption....but he is so distant....if he can spend time wiht the guys he will...hates being near me.....it is awful

[shezbut]

(((shrinktwo)))

I am so sorry that this time has been so emotionally painful for you and your husband. You may want to check out the site: http://www.hystersisters.com
It is incredibly helpful and supportive for women, men, and other loved ones to refer to! I've been a member there for a couple of years myself, had pushed off a hysterectomy for many years, and finally had it in October last year.

Lots of emotions are tied up in that entire experience for me, and I'd imagine that the same is true for you too. Hopefully, you're still in the beginning stages of acceptance after your hysterectomy. It is very normal and expected to go through the range of emotions: denial, hurt, anger, guilt, and acceptance.

If you go to the site, you can tell them mommy2kyra referred you

Gentle hugs to you ~ and to Psych Central!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((shrinktwo))))))))

I'm really sorry you are going through this. I had to have a hysterectomy at 34 a couple of years after I lost twins at 5 then 8 months. I have tumours and nasty unterine changes happening so I didn't have a choice at all.

Few women choose hysterectomy, if it is done it is usually done to save your life, it was with me. I felt so lost, but I was mourning Daniel and David too so I guess it was compounded.

I really do know how you are feeling and all I can say is try to ride it out. Suggest counselling for him, singular and as a couple. this is a loss for you both not just him; definitely he needs to consider you as well as himself. He needs to know the pain you are going through, you are the one who lost your right to have children.

I gather for some reason none of your eggs frozen before the surgery? Sometimes they will do that to create IVF babies from your eggs and your hubbys sperm then find a surrogate.

Give him time to grieve but remind him that you are grieving too and that you need the one who promised to love you for better or for worse,

Sending you hugs,

Rhiannon

[Alluring Lady]

Hi Shrinktwo, Sad to know you're dealing with that predicament. That would be a bumpy road between you and your love one. Stay strong and pray to God. I have a friend who did not have a child ever since. It has been 5 years of their married life but they kept their love for each other. They are so creative, they spend together, went out of town trips, celebrate grand birthdays, party with their friends, dinner dates and alike. Then they adopted a child. Maybe you can talk to your husband on deciding to adopt a child for the good of your family. Stay Happy and pretty!