[Snow80]

I am now in a situation that I dont know what to do. I am so angry with my friend and I was her bridesmaid, and she was mine. We have known eachother for 16 years now. I dont know what to do, just let the friendship die out or talk to her before I quit.
We have always had issues because we are very different, but we have stayed in this friendship for 16 years anyway. When we first met we both were shy and she did not have many friends. I always was more focused on interior of person, while she was shallow. This was the main issue. And she was quite mean sometimes, always laughing at my problems but I thought this would pass as we grew up.It didn't.I did answer back and quarrel with her about this, but no use.
We stayed together even though I always had issues with her.
And then I experienced sadness in my life 2 years ago,a death in family and I got anxiety and stress disorder. At the same time she was getting married and asked me to be her bridesmaid. I said yes, and this turned out to be very bad for me. I did many things and was really there as a bridesmaid for her, but never did she ask me how I was coping with the death of a young family member that was at the same as preparation for her wedding. She just was saying she is so glad that she didn't experience anything like that, but no support did she offer. Never a word of kindness or anything. I was at her wedding and there she totally ignored because now her shallow self was the center of attention. After wedding dinner I excused myself and went home because I was feeling sick and exhausted totally. And day after the party she said to me that she didn't care that I did all I did for her as a bridesmaid(arrange parties, buy and cook etc.). She said that I went early from the wedding and that was such a selfish thing from me. After this statement I was so mad at her that I cut her out on facebook and hoped she would get the point. She didn't, she just ignored it and didn't contact me. I expected apologize from her. I added her again on facebook because I thought we should fix it since we knew eachother so long and were bridesmaids to one another. She got pregnant and I went to her with a gift when the baby was born. I had gained a couple of pounds due to stress in my life this last two years, and she stayed thin even after pregnancy. That is good but she managed to put me down by talking about how fat she was and she must loose pounds (insensitive and shallow again). Then a few months went by after this and I didnt hear anything from her. I called her to ask her about our friendship. And she was saying she thinks I am selfish (again because of I went early from her wedding) and she thinks our friendship is over. And if we have more contact again then it won't be every day. I said ok, but inside I was boiling. How dare she, the queen of selfish, call me selfcentered? How dare she dictate how often we should talk or not, isn't this un unfriendly thing to say? Also she was saying that her new "friends" are so much better than me. Those are people she has known for top 6 months because of the baby. And I see on facebook on how she has totally changed face in front of them, she is nice and overly positive. I really hope her true colors show after a while. She also brags to me a lot that she has many new friends now and that she has a baby and I don't. My other friends say that I should cut her out and that she is really bad for me. But she was my bridesmaid. Should I go silent on her forever or should I have the talk? A part of me wants to dish it out in a talk and then leave her, get it off my chest. But I have so much bottled up that I feel it will explode too much if I meet her and talk?
What do you think? Thankful for any advice

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Let her go she will be back crawling to you when these other people realise what sort of 2 faced ****** she is and it will happen. When it does you turn away and don't you dare weaken because that is what she will expect of you. After all isn't she the queen bee? everyone wants to be her friend?

I think you are the better person to go through what you did and still give all you had to her wedding and she treated you the way she did? She's lucky I'm not one of your friends and living close by

Megan

[REINE D AMOUR]

beleive me your life will be better without her,you have to make your decision 16 y with these selfesh creature is too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[acrazynao]

I had a friend of 20 years who did not return my call after my mother died until after the funeral. She then said what a bad friend I had been since I kept changing when I was supposed to drive cross country back home with her. I changed the date because I was caring for my terminally ill mother and could not leave till she passed. It tells me that your "friend" may not be healthy for you, just as my "friend" was not healthy for me. As you allude to friends should be there to support you not to drain you. Don't put too much energy into it, she's taken enough from you already.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by acrazynao

friends should be there to support you not to drain you. Don't put too much energy into it, she's taken enough from you already.

Good point...

Hi Snow,

People change. What used to be tolerable about this "friend" may have only gotten worse. It sounds like even if you were to tell her off she wouldn't be able to hear you, since she is the one who is so "self-centered." Just let go. I know that it's hard (even if she drives you nuts) to say goodbye. But it sounds like a realtionship with this person is not worth the stress. If she calls you, let it go to voicemail or if you happen to answer, you can just say flatly that you're busy and you have to go. Putting up boundaries is a good form of self-care. It is ok to feel sad and grieve the loss of what you both had when you were young. Then let her go... Enjoy time with your other friends, some quiet time by yourself, or maybe even look for some new people to meet - who listen to you and who value who you are. You deserve kindness and comradery. (Not this shallowness and endless drama).

E

[katerp]

I say definitely dump her. She seems like an insensitive and selfish friend. It sounds like the only reason you want to stay friends with her is because you have so much history, but you can't keep an unhealthy friendship going just out of habit. It's a bad habit. People change as they grow and just because you and this woman got along 16 years ago doesn't mean you're still compatible friends now. You both already have the idea of ending the friendship in mind so do it now while you can.

And I want to add that I know what you're going through. I'm in a very similar situation. A family member of mine died unexpectedly 2 years ago and I saw my "best" friend (also of 16 years) the day after the funeral. Not only did she not ask me how I was doing or express any condolences to me, but she actually complained to me about how she had a bad day at work because one of her co-workers annoyed her and expected me to help her get through her bad mood. Since then my whole perception of her has changed and I realized our entire friendship I always helped her through everything, even the little problems of daily life she should have been dealing with on her own, and she never so much as asked me how I was doing. Now I really don't think I want to continue the friendship, but she just got engaged (to I guy I don't really like and who I think is awful for her no less) and I'm sure she expects me to be a bridesmaid, if not her maid of honor. And since I'm sure she sees no problem with the friendship and wouldn't see it coming this is pretty much the worst time to end the friendship so I think I'm stuck until after the wedding. So I repeat - if you want to end the friendship get out now while you can.